Alcohol jokes
And I blame it on the al-al-al-cohol, but if I were you, I wouldn’t kiss your mom on the mouth at all.
I’m not a hard drinker. I actually find it pretty easy.
What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.
I told myself I needed to stop drinking so much. But I'm not about to start listening to some drunk weirdo who talks to themself.
How do you trick a camel jockey into drinking a bottle of watermelon schnapps?
Pour watermelon seeds into a bottle of watermelon schnapps.
What do you call an emo strip club?
Suicidal Thots.
I finally stopped drinking for good.
Now I purely drink for evil.
Why does Aaron cry at night? His alcoholic father beats him.
Don't drink and park.
Accidents cause people.
My uncle is an alchemist.
He can turn 3 bottles of beer into 4 hours of abuse.
A grasshopper jumps into a bar.
The bartender says, "We've got a drink named after you."
The grasshopper says, "Seriously? Why would you name a drink Callum?"
POV you are drunk and telling jokes and no one is listening 😭😭😭
I either added you because we have shit tons of mutuals, or 'cause I'd let you spit alcohol in my mouth.
I'll let you decide.
Jack and Jill went up the hill, both had Bacardi rum. When Jill's was gone, she wanted Jack's, that's why she took it from him.
The only thing I do straight is vodka.
Little Johnny was walking down an alley and saw a lamp. After he rubbed it, a genie came out and said, "You have 10 seconds to have one wish." Little Johnny says he wants to pee alcohol. The genie grants his wish. He tells his family, and his sister doesn't believe it. After having a drink, she says, "We should have this every night!" Little Johnny gets two cups every night, one for him and his sister. He does the same thing for four nights. Eventually, he ran out of cups and has one left. He gives it to himself, and his sister asks, "Where's my cup?" Little Johnny replied, "You're drinking out of the bottle tonight."
Yo mama is so ugly that your dad has to be drunk to bring her home.
Why is the rum gone?
What does Johnny Depp hate about driving a car?
He can't drink and drive.
I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but fell asleep.