Alcohol jokes

Remember: Alcohol doesn't solve your problems, but neither does milk or water.

What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.

And I blame it on the al-al-al-cohol, but if I were you, I wouldn’t kiss your mom on the mouth at all.

I finally stopped drinking for good.

Now I purely drink for evil.

Don't drink and park.

Accidents cause people.

Why does Aaron cry at night? His alcoholic father beats him.

I told myself I needed to stop drinking so much. But I'm not about to start listening to some drunk weirdo who talks to themself.

My uncle is an alchemist.

He can turn 3 bottles of beer into 4 hours of abuse.

What do you call an emo strip club?

Suicidal Thots.

POV you are drunk and telling jokes and no one is listening 😭😭😭

A grasshopper jumps into a bar.

The bartender says, "We've got a drink named after you."

The grasshopper says, "Seriously? Why would you name a drink Callum?"

The only thing I do straight is vodka.

I either added you because we have shit tons of mutuals, or 'cause I'd let you spit alcohol in my mouth.

I'll let you decide.

Little Johnny was walking down an alley and saw a lamp. After he rubbed it, a genie came out and said, "You have 10 seconds to have one wish." Little Johnny says he wants to pee alcohol. The genie grants his wish. He tells his family, and his sister doesn't believe it. After having a drink, she says, "We should have this every night!" Little Johnny gets two cups every night, one for him and his sister. He does the same thing for four nights. Eventually, he ran out of cups and has one left. He gives it to himself, and his sister asks, "Where's my cup?" Little Johnny replied, "You're drinking out of the bottle tonight."

Jack and Jill went up the hill, both had Bacardi rum. When Jill's was gone, she wanted Jack's, that's why she took it from him.

Yo mama is so ugly that your dad has to be drunk to bring her home.

Why is the rum gone?

What's worse than waking up with a dead baby next to you?

Realizing you were so drunk that you made love to it the night before...

Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks...

A skeleton walks into a bar. Orders a beer and a mop.