Air jokes
You know the song "Getting Drunk on a Plane"? It was written by the pilot of the Lingard Skinner pilot.
How do you call a cop?
Through the phone.
(My puns are bad)
Kobe likes his shoes like the way he died.
Air.
What does the EPA issue when a person stinks up a room with their smelly farts?
Air quality alert code brown!
Dude, if there is a watermelon, shouldn't there be an earthmelon, airmelon, and a firemelon? The elemelons.
9/11 jokes aren’t funny. They always crash and burn.
"Osama bin Laden playing MW2 Air Strike inbound."
Why do orphans air?
It’s invisible just like their parents.
The greatest doctor, smartest man, young geek, and inspiring preacher are on a plane. The pilot dies of a heart attack and is confirmed by the doctor. But, there are only 3 parachutes on the plane. The doctor takes one and says,
"People need me for my excellent medicine!" and jumps out. The smart man grabs one and shouts,
"People are in need of my great knowledge!" and jumps out. There is only one more parachute on the plane. The preacher says to the geek,
"You are too young. Take the final parachute and go." The geek instead says,
"No, there are two parachutes left, the 'smart' one took my backpack."
If Donald Trump gets any worse, they'll have to replace Air Force One with a short bus.
I got stuck in the dryer again. Brother, say less.
My Grandpa killed 30 Air Force pilots in WW2. He was a very bad mechanic.
You’re so lame, you don’t have a superpower!
"Yah, I do!"
Oh yeah? What is it?
"My diaphragm contracts and moves downwards into my chest cavity and my lungs expand!"
That’s breathing, Jim.
"NO IT’S NOT, JACOB, YOU CAN’T PROVE IT!"
You guys are idiots!
What is the worst part of milking a cow? The smell of the dairy air.
Women's rights.
Me: (pointing up in the air) "Everybody listen up, this is a robbery!"
Girl: "Dude, this is a library."
Me: "Oh." (screwing on a silencer)
People in Africa have earth, fire, air, but never water.
Yo mama is so fat, she jumped into the air and got stuck!
Johnny is on his way to school when he comes across a frog. With a sudden inspirational thought, he picks the frog up, shoves a firecracker up the frog's arse, lights the cracker, and blows the frog to smithereens.
Now at school, the teacher asks the class: "Has anybody got anything for show and tell this morning?"
Johnny waves his arm in the air and is virtually screaming "Me mis me mis me mis".
"Ok Johnny, what do you have to share with the class today?"
Little Johnny then says, "Well on my way to school today I shoved a cracker up a frog's arse." The teacher interrupts and says, "It's not arse Johnny, It's rectum."
Johnny then says, "Fucking oath it wrecked 'im."