Age jokes

A young couple gets banned from church.

There were three couples, one elderly, one middle-aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks.

After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained. "Yes, no problem!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.

Then he asks the middle-aged couple the same question, "Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.

Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks.

"We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me! I took her right there."

"I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!"

"We understand," says the husband, "We were banned from the grocery store, too."

I dated a German girl, it was very annoying when she kept on screaming her age and moaning.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5. I'm old enough to drive, for now I'm still alive, till I crash in that beehive!

Your hairline is so far back that it killed the dinosaurs.

Your mom is so old that her birth certificate says "expired."

"Ring Ring! Hi, I've been needing to call you. Your hairline has been found by Dora after 25 years!"

Your hairline is so far back that even my dad wasn't fetching the milk back then.

What age is served for breakfast?

Yo hairline is so far back that it was there before the Big Bang happened.

Your hairline goes so far back that Crown Burger was Crown Sandwiches.

Why would the chicken not cross the road?

Because it's too old. (The joke is old.) (The chicken is old.)

Organise my brother's bucks party and got confused when he asked for a hot 22 year old for I brought him 20 two yr Olds....

Good thing my brother's a little bit different.

What do a 100-year-old pornstar and The White Stripes have in common? Icky Thump!

What is tall when it's young but short when it's old?

A candle or a pencil!

Why did the kid throw the clock out the window? He wanted to see time fly.

Virgos are always virgins to age 17... Just saying.

You're walking one day and a little kid, about 5-6 years old, comes up to you asking, "What's a condom?" You have to give that child the wrong answer, what would you tell them? Comment on what you would tell them.

How old do you have to be to drink? Any age.

In this modern age, I feel as though it's inappropriate to make jokes about herbs and fish.

It's not the thyme or the plaice for it.

I am Thor.

And next year, I will be five.