Age jokes

Yo mama is so old, I told her to act her age, and she died.

🚘 What is as old as the earth 🌎 and new every month? The moon.

Me on my way to the principal's office after the trans kid told me to act my age, so I told him to act his gender.

So one time I was looking up the definition of "accident" because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me and points at the word and says, “That’s you!” (meaning that I was an accident).

A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you, but we still love you with everything we’ve got.”

My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?

A young couple gets banned from church.

There were three couples, one elderly, one middle-aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks.

After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained. "Yes, no problem!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.

Then he asks the middle-aged couple the same question, "Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.

Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks.

"We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me! I took her right there."

"I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!"

"We understand," says the husband, "We were banned from the grocery store, too."

I dated a German girl, it was very annoying when she kept on screaming her age and moaning.

Who is the least young Dave?

Dave-on.

My grandad and your hairline go way back.

childhood skipped @iissoo.00 fr😵‍💫

Why did the African 3 year old cry?

He was having a midlife crisis.

Who is the oldest Dave?

Daveon.

I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.

A woman's age is harder to get than the President's phone number.

Quote from Seth no.1: "I would have fought back, but she was seven."

I stole my friend's amnesia medication the other day, he was pretty pissed.

But I reminded him of the age-old mantra: "Forgive and forget!"

Your hair and your hairline must be best friends, 'cause they go waaaaay back!

What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening?

A kitchen chair! Your momma sits in it for lunch, and your dad only manages to reattach one of the two legs that broke off by evening.

Your mama's so young your dad went to jail.

At one point in your life, you were exactly pi years old.

Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...

The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.