Age jokes

A young couple gets banned from church.

There were three couples, one elderly, one middle-aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks.

After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained. "Yes, no problem!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.

Then he asks the middle-aged couple the same question, "Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.

Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks.

"We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me! I took her right there."

"I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!"

"We understand," says the husband, "We were banned from the grocery store, too."

I dated a German girl, it was very annoying when she kept on screaming her age and moaning.

Who is the least young Dave?

Dave-on.

Due to her death, you can no longer get a letter from the Queen when you turn 100.

Instead, you now receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.

My grandad and your hairline go way back.

I came across a pic of the oldest man on earth on IG. He was 132 years old.

I commented "age is just a number" for him; now I'm banned.

Three boys are in the 4th grade; one is black, one is white, and the other is Hispanic. Who has the biggest penis?

The black one... he's 13!

At one point in your life, you were exactly pi years old.

Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...

The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.

Bro, is your hairline and your forehead good friends because they go way back?

"Officer, don’t arrest me, she said she was 5 in dog years!"

You look too old to be living with your grandma.

Yo hairline is so far back that it was there before the Big Bang happened.

Your hairline goes so far back that Crown Burger was Crown Sandwiches.

I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.

What’s a priest's favorite sport?

Golf, because most of the holes are less than 18.

childhood skipped @iissoo.00 fr😵‍💫

Quote from Seth no.1: "I would have fought back, but she was seven."

Who is the oldest Dave?

Daveon.

Why did the African 3 year old cry?

He was having a midlife crisis.