Age jokes
As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing. Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.
A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot.
One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her $10 "pay" to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own paycheck at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us."
"Oh, my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"
The little girl replied, "I will, if those assholes at Lowe's ever deliver the fucking sheet rock!"
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked at me surprised.
(P.S. I am not at that age plus I am as straight as a helix ruler.)
What do most 50-year-old men put inside their cars?
Children.
L bozos fell like my grandma on the stairs.
Is this tuff in 2023?
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her... she had really bad balance.
Your hairline is so far back my grandpa said he had a glimpse of it in the 1960s.
Why were the Middle Ages called the Dark Ages?
Because there were too many knights.
"I met a girl and she's 28."
"Now I'm the coolest guy in all of 8th grade."
- AJR
What do you call a 60 year old with a bomb?
Suicide Boomer.
3 boys were having a debate about who had the healthiest grandma.
Boy 1: "I have the healthiest grandma. She is 67 years old and can still do a backflip!"
Boy 2: "No, I have the healthiest grandma. She is 76 years old and can still finish a marathon!"
Boy 3: "I have the healthiest grandma. She is 85 and she is in the hospital..."
Boy 1 and 2, looking confused.
Boy 1: "If she's so healthy, why is she in the hospital?"
Boy 3: "Because she's giving birth right now!"
Mother, father, and a son. Father purchased a robot that can detect lies. The robot slaps when you lie.
During dinner time: Father: Son, what have you done today? Son: I watched Netflix, Dad. Robot: Stood up and slapped the son! Son: Okay! Okay! I watched porn, Dad. Dad: What? You watched porn? You are only 14! I never knew porn till I was 18 years of age. Robot: Stood up and slapped the Dad! Mother: Started to laugh and said "Sure he is your son!" Robot: Stood up and slapped the mother!
Hehe
Michael has canceled his upcoming dates. They were Tommy, age 9, and Bobby, 11.
Yo mama so old, I bet she was born when dinosaurs were made, and also she killed them with they breath! 😭😭
What’s one thing you can say at a funeral and during sex?
She was too young.
A wise man once said, "don't think young, think tight." He was a priest.
Q. When is your grandfather's bedtime?
A. Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.
Did you hear? There is a new toy for boys ages 2-10. It's called Jackson. A tiny white doll, with black Jackson. Get it while supplies last.
Why did Joe Biden pull out of the Afghanistan war?
Because it was over 18 years old.
Me and my wife were out at dinner. Me being 48 and her being 19, people were screaming at us and calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.