Age jokes
My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday. I asked her why. She said, "Because you're a pedophile." I replied, "Pedophile! That's a big word for an eight year old."
Little Johnny walks in on his grandfather smoking a cigar.
“May I smoke a cigar?” asks Johnny.
The grandpa replies, “Well, does your dick touch your asshole?”
Johnny replied, “No,” and left the room.
The next day Johnny sees his grandpa getting into a car.
“Can I drive the car?” asks Johnny.
“Does your dick touch your asshole?”
“No.”
The day after that, Grandpa sees Johnny about to eat a cookie.
“Johnny, may I have some of your cookie?” asked the grandpa.
“Does your dick touch your asshole, grandpa?”
“Yep.”
“Then go fuck yourself, this is my cookie.”
Yo mama so old, she walked into an antique store, and they didn't let her leave.
Yo mama so old when she farts, dust comes out.
Little girls are like basic math. If they're under 13, you do them in your head.
If you got a bowling ball and you stuck it on top of a sack of potatoes, what would you get?
A "retiree."
I like my wine how I like my women: 7 years old, and locked up in my basement.
9 year olds can consent. That’s like 18 divided by 2.
My friend has a dry sense of humor.
Probably because her body was decomposed ages ago.
A man boards a plane with six children of various ages.
After the plane takes off, a woman sitting behind the man asks him, “Are all of them yours?”
“No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”
Yo mama is so old, when I told her to act her age, she died.
Did you know that McDonald's have a new McScully burger?
It's a 59-year-old piece of meat in a 2-year-old bun.
Why are Palestinian boys so eager to grow a beard?
So they can use their mum's ID to get in the club.
The Queen: "I've had a few medical problems this year. I'm so old that my pussy is haunted!"
If her internal clock can tock, she can sit on my cock.
What’s the difference between your mum and your nan?
Your nan's a GILF!
Your hairline goes so far back that Crown Burger was Crown Sandwiches.
Have you ever wondered how your teachers would look if they were 20 years younger than they actually are? I bet some of them would be smoking hot. Especially my 25-year-old English teacher. I'd bang her if she were 20 years younger.
I saw your license. It said you're 15.
I checked your face. It says you're 50.
What’s the best thing about fucking twenty-eight year olds?
There’s twenty of them!