Age jokes

Number 1 ventriloquist dies at age 76, will be mist.

My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday. I asked her why. She said, "Because you're a pedophile." I replied, "Pedophile! That's a big word for an eight year old."

Two boys were arguing in class one day when the teacher walked into the classroom.

The teacher asked them, "Why are you arguing?"

One of the boys replied, "We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."

"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher. "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."

The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

What's the best thing about 20-1 year olds... there's 20.

What do a pedophile and a clock have in common? Neither of them go past 12.

I'm 34 and I went on a date with my 19 year old girlfriend. I got heckled with "you're a paedophile!" and "you sick F...!" Completely ruined our 10th anniversary!

What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? "You're too young to smoke."

62 is not just any number, as it so happens to be my height, 6'2", just as 25 is my age on Facebook.

Man, abortion jokes just don't get old, do they?

In fact, they don't age at all.

What's the best thing about f***ing twenty-six year olds?

There's twenty of them.

I like my women like I like my wine, twelve years old, in the basement, and locked up.

When I masturbate, things cum.

When an old man does, no one cums.

A 98 year old man goes to bed on a one layer bed. He wakes up under it...

My friend: "Ya mama so stupid, she sits on the TV and watches the couch!"

Me: "That joke's older than your mom!"

Have you ever wondered how your teachers would look if they were 20 years younger than they actually are? I bet some of them would be smoking hot. Especially my 25-year-old English teacher. I'd bang her if she were 20 years younger.

Your mama is so old that she forgot her donkey on Noah's Ark.

I like my girls how I like my wine, 12 years locked in the basement.

Yo mama so old, she was in third grade with Moses.

What store has the most vegetables?

A nursing home.

What's the difference between a 14-year-old boy and an 8-year-old boy?

The 14-year-old is on top, the 8-year-old is on the bottom.