Why can’t Stephen Hawking go to Heaven?
Because there wasn’t a ramp.
Afterlife Jokes
Q. Why can't Stephen Hawking go to Heaven?
A. He can't get his wheelchair up the stairs.
How many people do you think are in a graveyard? Hopefully none.
My grandma always told my dad if a bird ever got in your house/truck, someone would die later that exact day.
She found out she had cancer. 11 months later, my grandpa died of a stroke. I hope to see them in heaven. I’d like to meet them. Pls comment good things. I really, really love them, even though I didn’t get to meet them. 😭😭😭
A pair of souls were floating up to heaven when they passed a pair of eagles.
"Ah, eagles," said the souls. The eagles were too polite to say anything.
Want to know what Juice WRLD would do if he were alive today?
Frantically scratch on the inside of his coffin.
Why did Aaron slit his wrists?
Because it's him.
God better hope they got an elevator to Heaven.
When Stephen Hawking died, he saw the stairway to Heaven.
He thought to himself, "Oh God, this is awkward!"
Why did he go to hell? Because he couldn't use the stairs to Heaven.
Hi guys, jokes for sister.
So I was listening to a song about "I hate you, are annoying, sister. I'm small and I'm smart," and when I showed it to her, she killed me, and later I was dancing and crying.
What time is it when you get hit by a car? Time to die.
Don't challenge Death to a pillow fight.
Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushion.
Why could the zombie not clap? Because it was dead, duh!
Bick: Jesus isn't real.
Ron: Yes, He is.
Bick: Prove it, bitch.
Ron: Cussing is a sin. Open the curtains.
Bick: Wh-?
Ron: JUST DO IT, DAMMIT!
The sunlight shone through the window, landing on Ron and Bick. Both of them died and went to hell.
Ron: Fuck you, Jesus.
Bick: Told you Jesus was real.
Satan: Get to work, slaves.
Moral of the story: Stay off the marijuana.
What do you call an orphan living with ghosts?
A happy family.
He couldn't take the stairway to heaven; he had to take the lift.
Dead people can’t cross the street because they're dead, ha ha!
Ever looked at a cemetery and thought, wow, Heaven and Hell must be crowded?
A 6-year-old girl decides to get baptized. She walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately, the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her in the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl drowned and died...
Later on, when the pastor was better and thrown in jail, all he had to say to the mortified family was, “Well, at least she’s in heaven!”