Afterlife jokes

Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!

A priest sees a man about to commit suicide. The man says, "I have nothing to live for here. I will die, go to Heaven, and get 72 virgins." Then the priest says, "No need for this. I will take you to the local elementary school."

Want to know something? Jason and Michael Myers had to watch their family while they have to live forever. That's why they kill; they're trying to make people experience what they did.

Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.

30 people died in a car wreck before they got to Heaven. God asked for one wish because they died in a tragic way. The first lady, she was obsessed with her looks, so she asked to be beautiful and God granted her wish. The next person didn't know what to wish for, so they wished for the same thing. The guy in the very back was laughing, having a grand old time. Then God got to the person before the last. He said the same, he wished to be beautiful. When God got to the last person, he said, "I want them all to be ugly again."

So, a kid walks in the house and says, "Mommy, Mommy, I found daddy!" And the mother says, "Stop digging around in the garden, and let your father rest in peace."

Alright kids! Find a good place to stop! Then, out of the blue, Billy died. But hey, he went to a better place.

The undertaker's famous saying is "Rest In Peace" to all of his opponents, but really they don't rest in peace. The only peace they get is from God.

What time is it when you get hit by a car? Time to die.

What do you call an orphan living with ghosts?

"Him and his dead family." :(

You see a cat, it's dead, you are dead.

Dead people jokes are the best, they're ground breaking.

You have five seconds to kill me. 1... 2... 3... 4... Thank you. I can rest now. WAIT, HOW AM I TALKING?????????????????????

Don't challenge Death to a pillow fight.

Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushion.

What do you call plane crash victims?

Down to earth people.

Steven Hawking said there is no God,

Then God said there is no Steven Hawking.

Are you a gravestone?

Because I really wish you were on top of me right now!

Give a man a match; he will be warm for hours.

Set him on fire; he will be warm for the rest of his life.

So, a bus crashes, killing everyone on the bus, and God feels so bad that He gives each one a wish.

The first person comes up, and she wants to be beautiful, so God makes her beautiful, and she goes into Heaven. The next person comes up, and he says, "I want to be beautiful as well." As this goes on, the last man in the back begins laughing a little, everyone becoming beautiful, until God asked the last person what they want, and he said, "I want everyone in front of me to be ugly again!" So God had to call the based department and gave him everything that last guy wanted.

Do you want to give your life to God and be in Heaven?