Afterlife Jokes

I have a friend who doesn't have a dad.

He says: "You're useless, go to hell!"

Me: "Wait, why do you want me to join your dad?"

What happened to Stephen Hawking after he reached Heaven?

Nothing yet. He is still struggling to get up the stairway to Heaven.

In fright, I saw my faceless soul! Never imagined it could run that fast!

As the car crashed, someone said, "I see a light!"

To Drew the Devil,

We NEED to talk RN. I'm very mad at you, and we need to talk.

Angry Alex

A close-up of a cartoon man with wide eyes and a slightly concerned expression, under the text "The genie looking at me after I wished for all suicidal people to be immortal."

Why can't ghosts stay happy? Because they are too skeletal.

Teacher: Tim, where are your parents? It's been 15 minutes!

Tim (Orphan): Yeah um, they can't come.

Teacher: Why not?

Tim: They're too busy working in heaven.

If I died and went to heaven, do you think I’d be friends with Prince?

The only thing that makes me want to stay alive more is the thought that Prince would hate me.

Beethoven composed his whole life.

What did he do in the afterlife? He decomposed! Har har har har har har.

This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"

God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."

You're so poor that you die and go to the backrooms.

One day, a class of children were killed in a bus accident, but only some survived. One was praying that he would survive, and the other said, "First time?"

I burnt down a whole forest and asked myself, "Is this hell?"

You call it Hell. I call it Saunaworld DX.

An orphan asked his caretaker where his parents are, and the caretaker said, "A place called home."

I was wrong about AISH workers having no value.

If you get to them soon enough after the murder, you can harvest a few organs.

Scratches on an icy road and kills 50 people on the bus, and when they get to Heaven, God feels so bad for them and grants them all one wish.

The first lady in the line was always worried about her looks, so she wished to be beautiful, and the guy behind her couldn’t think of what to wish about, so he also wished to be beautiful. This kept on going, but the guy at the end of the line started to laugh. When he got to God, God says, “What is your one wish, my son?” He said, “I wish you can make them all ugly again.”