Afterlife jokes

And so the Lord said unto John, "Come forth, and receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.

Why do you think after death the angel says do not be afraid?

Search up biblically accurate angels.

A priest is struck by lightning and lays hurt on the ground.

When medical crew arrives he denies them, saying, "God will surely save me!"

The medical team tries to help him, but he keeps struggling and eventually dies.

Later in the afterlife, he screams at God, saying, "Why didn't you save me? Am I not dear to you?"

God answered, "B****, I sent you a f***ing ambulance and you denied it!"

What if death is hell because there is no bridge to heaven?

When I die, I’ll die in a trash can.

Why did the child die? To see God, our father.

A man died and went to heaven. Every time you cheat, you get a worse car.

The first man cheated 5 times; he got a Jeep. The second man cheated 3 times; he got a BMW. The third man never cheated; he got a Lamborghini.

The second man saw the third man sad. He said, "Why are you sad?" The third man said, "I saw my wife with a scooter."

I am going to be a ghost for Halloween. I actually want to be a ghost every day, because at least I'd be dead.

A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.

When you die, people cry and wish you to come back.

But when you do, people scream and run away.

Should I burn heaven?

Has anyone alive ever died?

Is this our eternal life?

You call it Hell. I call it Saunaworld DX.

One day, a class of children were killed in a bus accident, but only some survived. One was praying that he would survive, and the other said, "First time?"

I burnt down a whole forest and asked myself, "Is this hell?"

A priest sees a man about to commit suicide. The man says, "I have nothing to live for here. I will die, go to Heaven, and get 72 virgins." Then the priest says, "No need for this. I will take you to the local elementary school."

Hi guys, jokes for sister.

So I was listening to a song about "I hate you, are annoying, sister. I'm small and I'm smart," and when I showed it to her, she killed me, and later I was dancing and crying.

I SH so much, even when I die and become a ghost, you can see red stripes floating around the room.

Where do feminists go when they die? "Hell's Kitchen."

Why did Technoblade die?

'Cause he wanted to Skyblock in Heaven!