Q: How do you make a fire?
A: Oil and dead babies.
Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell, not heaven? Because it's a stairway to heaven, not a ramp.
What room does a ghost not want to be in?
The living room.
In fright, I saw my faceless soul! Never imagined it could run that fast!
My favorite toast for parties:
May I be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows I'm dead.
Why do ghosts love elevators? They lift their spirits!
Why do cemeteries have fences around them? People are dying to get in.
Me: Why did the bus drop his ice cream?
Sanity to live: I don't know?
Me: He was run over by Timmy!!!
Sanity to live? *dies*
Me: *At edge of bridge* Wow, sweet view.
Sanity to live: *resurrected*
Narrator: Sometimes a bridge is all you need...
(sponsored by jumping bridges)
Why did half of the world go to hell?
Because they were laughing at morbid jokes.
(You've been warned!)
Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell?
Because it’s a stairway to heaven, not a ramp.
And the Lord said onto John, "Come forth to receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.
I still remember my dad's last words: "Don't worry son, Allah will be pleased."
Why are there gates on a graveyard?
Because people are dying to get inside. Lol
Three nuns died in a car crash. They went up to heaven at the pearly gates. The gatekeeper said, "This really should not have happened, so I am going to send you back to earth as different people. Tell me who you want to be or look like." The first nun said, "I want to look like Madonna." Puff, you look like her now, but you can’t use her name. And sent her down to earth. The second one said, "I want to look like Marilyn Monroe." He then makes her look like her and sends her down to earth. The third nun said, "I want to look like Sarah Pipalini." The gatekeeper says to her, "Sarah Pipalini, who is that?" She gives the gatekeeper a newspaper article. He reads it, shakes his head no, and says, "It’s not Sarah Pipalini, it's Sahara pipeline laid by 500 men."
What happened to Stephen Hawking after he reached Heaven?
Nothing yet. He is still struggling to get up the stairway to Heaven.
If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave, or does your mortician take it from you?
When earthquakes hit, coffins become maracas underground.
30 people died in a car wreck before they got to Heaven. God asked for one wish because they died in a tragic way. The first lady, she was obsessed with her looks, so she asked to be beautiful and God granted her wish. The next person didn't know what to wish for, so they wished for the same thing. The guy in the very back was laughing, having a grand old time. Then God got to the person before the last. He said the same, he wished to be beautiful. When God got to the last person, he said, "I want them all to be ugly again."
The undertaker's famous saying is "Rest In Peace" to all of his opponents, but really they don't rest in peace. The only peace they get is from God.
I guess Grandpa took the elevator to Heaven.
He definitely didn't make it up the stairs.
