Afterlife jokes
Three people die on the same day: a German, an American, and an Italian. They all go to Hell for various reasons.
American: "I won't ever see my dog again!"
Italian: "I won't ever make pizzas again!"
German: "Hey, granddad, how have you been?"
I'm not sure how I'm going to get to Heaven.
God had not built a ramp yet... or an escalator.
From your Dad.
I won’t be back for a while, it’s a very long line.
I took 7 coins from someone. He even came back from the dead to get them.
Some kids at school made fun of me for playing Halo, so I gave them a halo.
Why does the orphan commit suicide to join the other side to see their parents?
How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?
More than ten, apparently.
Kobe was on fire before his death. He was on fire after too.
As the car crashed, someone said, "I see a light!"
What time is it when you get hit by a car? Time to die.
Jesus told me if I believed I would live for eternity. I believed, but at 97 I died...
I think Jesus is broken.
Grandma told me that when she passed away she wants to be a tree, and so she could live forever.
But I'm not gonna lie, it was a nice toasty fire...
Two skeletons meet at the graveyard at noon.
"What the heck are you doing here?"
"I couldn't sleep."
What do you call two skeletons dancing in a tin can?
Noise!
This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be DYING to get in there.
where do suicide bombers go when they die? everywhere!
When a Muslim dies, he gets 72 virgins.
It's the same thing with priests, except the virgins are children.
Bob and Brad loved baseball. When Brad was dying, Bob asked Brad to see if there was baseball in heaven. Brad died, and two weeks later, Bob woke up to Brad's voice. Brad said, "I've got good news. They do have baseball in heaven. Bad news is that you're up to bat next."
Stephen Hawking is so lucky to go to heaven.
Oh never mind, here comes the stairway.
When you're driving past a graveyard say: "Wow, people were just dying to get in there."