Afterlife jokes
Bob and Brad loved baseball. When Brad was dying, Bob asked Brad to see if there was baseball in heaven. Brad died, and two weeks later, Bob woke up to Brad's voice. Brad said, "I've got good news. They do have baseball in heaven. Bad news is that you're up to bat next."
Stephen Hawking is so lucky to go to heaven.
Oh never mind, here comes the stairway.
When you're driving past a graveyard say: "Wow, people were just dying to get in there."
What do you call a ghost's fart?
A spirit bomb.
Where did Stephen Hawking go after he died?
FNAF Sister Location.
You wanna know why Stephen Hawking isn't going to heaven?
Because it's a stairway, not a ramp.
Three guys are stranded with cannibals on an island. The cannibals said, "Each one of you come back with 10 pieces of fruit and shove them up your butt showing no emotion." The first guy came back with 10 apples, and by the second one, he started to grunt, so he was killed and eaten.
The second one came back with cherries, and when he went to put the 10th one in, he started to laugh, so he was killed and eaten. The two guys met in heaven, and the first guy said, "Dude, you were so close. What happened?" The second one said, "I would have made it, but I saw the third guy come back with 10 pineapples!!" 😝😝🤣🤣
3 men go to hell. Satan says if you can question me and I can't answer, you go to heaven.
The first man asks if Satan knew how to make computers. He goes to hell. The next man asks if he knew how to make furniture. He goes too. The third man pokes a ton of holes in a bottle cap and farts in the bottle, asks Satan where the fart came from. Satan said every possible answer and the man pointed to his butthole and said "nope this one"😂
There's something special about cemeteries.
People are dying to get inside.
When there’s an earthquake, coffins become underground maracas.
Q: How do you make a fire?
A: Oil and dead babies.
Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell, not heaven? Because it's a stairway to heaven, not a ramp.
What room does a ghost not want to be in?
The living room.
In fright, I saw my faceless soul! Never imagined it could run that fast!
My favorite toast for parties:
May I be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows I'm dead.
Why do ghosts love elevators? They lift their spirits!
Why do cemeteries have fences around them? People are dying to get in.
Cremation: Your last chance for a smoking hot body.
Why did half the world go to hell? Because they were laughing at morbid jokes.
YOU'VE BEEN WARNED (again)!
"Where ya going?"
"When I die, hell, but right now, my room."