Aed jokes
How many Sallys does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, she was electrocuted.
My grandmother made her passage on a boat. The thing wasn’t the only thing that went down.
Yo momma so stupid that she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.
How did "Bloody Mary" become a thing?
Because her husband beat her bloody when she didn't stay in the kitchen.
Yo mama is such a creep; she thought PTSD stood for "Please Touch Small Dicks."
What is an oven that you don’t own? Nacho oven.
Q: Why are orphans so successful? A: Because when they were younger, they got told, "Go big or go home," and only had one option.
My friend looks more red than Mr. Krabs.
It’s weird, I could’ve sworn I saw the silhouette of a belt hurling towards him the other day.
Your hairline so far back, it's a wide receiver for the Minnesota Vikings.
*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Me: "Please...I need my...phone."
*opens twitter*
Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
I identify as the Titanic, because I'm a wreck.
What's the difference between 5% of priests and 5% of atheists?
5% of atheists have seen a ghost.
5% of priests have spooked altar boys in the sacristy.
Anybody who doesn't like Pepsi is a Coke-sucker!
Why is there only a glory hole in the handicapped stall in some public men's restrooms?
Because a gay man that is not physically handicapped can't receive a blow job from a gay man that is physically handicapped under the handicapped stall.
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and the devil?
The devil always has horns... not just around children.
Another joke, I know they suck.
What is a depressed person's favorite joke? Their life.
When an American goes on a scale, the other person will say, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"
"If two sides in a battlefield read my book, there will be no winner."
Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
"A foolish man is lactose intolerant. A wise man simply tolerates it."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
I would make a joke about fat people, but they already have enough on their plate.