Aed jokes

What do you call Flapple asleep? A Napple.

Do you have a halo?

'Cause I can give it to you.

What do you call a hippopotamus that stands out from the crowd?

A hipster!

How do you call on a mail man who is carrying rotten fruit?

Come post!

A man walks into a bar. The corrections officer says, "Usually we open the cell before you go in, now stop bleeding on my floor!"

Q. Why do Skeletons work hard?

A. 'Cause they want the BONEus.

A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question can go home."

A boy throws his bag out the window.

The teacher asks, "Who just threw that?"

The boy says, "Me! I’m going home now."

What does a car have when it's very itchy?

A road rash.

Dating a girl and studying mathematics, both give a headache.

What's a similarity between Harvey Weinstein's pants and American bombs?

They both drop unannounced and leave mass casualties.

There is a similarity between my wallet and an onion.

They always make me cry.

A grasshopper walked into a bar and sat down at the counter.

The bartender looked at him and said, "We have a drink named after you." The grasshopper replied, "Who names a drink Steve?"

How do you know when you have been invited to a gay barbecue?

When you are unable to distinguish foot-long hot dogs from long and thick big dicks, regardless of skin color.

Why did the straight white caucasian male cross the road?

Because a black person was approaching.

What's the difference between a normal person's funeral and a person with polio?

The pose!

A man asks God, "Hello God, why did you make my wife so dumb?"

God replies, "So she would love you..."

When a baby was born to a slave, did the slave owners hang a "Bred in Captivity" sign above the crib?

"Captain, captain, there's a man lashed to the mainmast."

"That's your lookout."

Ever had that feeling that suicidal people are a big contributor to the razor blade industry?

Well, they aren't.

Why?

They aren't repeated customers.

Well, I saw a stripper, and she was trying out bread.