Aed jokes
I need a lovely lady to spoil. I have a big dick and a very clean house. Add me now.
Snapchat: @colin_green21
Yo mama so fat that the US (Mexico) and North Korea (South Korea) got into a war fighting over who gets to use her as their border wall.
How do you get 50 hungry kids into a box? You put a can of beans in there.
How do you get 50 hungry kids out of a box? You run past with a can opener.
If you could add one zero to any number for the rest of your life, what would it be and why?
What's the benefit of taking a depressed kid to the store?
Scan the wrist and you might get a discount.
A cobra once bit Chuck Norris. After hours of agonising pain... it died.
What do you call a field of masturbating cattle?
Beef strokin' off.
Head teacher talking about recent vandalism during school assembly:
"And to those of you who wrote Mr. Smith's telephone number on the door of the girl's toilets, he would like to make it clear that the last digit is a 7 and not a 4."
I'm a magician. Watch my closing act at the end of the rope.
Some guy was mad at his ex-wife! So he threw a bottle of alcohol into her house when he was drunk.
And realized when he was being questioned for arson, his cigarette was in the rim of the bottle.
What do you call a woman with three boobs? Tres leches.
Hello there, have a good day!
There are three men walking down the road, and they come across a farm that is for sale. The three men look at each other and put all their money together to buy the farm. On that farm, there is a cow, a monkey, and a bunch of cow food. The men are out of money, and the farm is going out of business.
One of the men sees that there is a contest for the biggest cow in the county. They entered the contest, but the cow is so thin. Every time they tried to feed the cattle, it would poop and lose weight again, so one of them suggested that they put a cork up the cow's behind. The first guy says, "Okay, then go put a cork there."
"I don't want to do it. You do it."
"No, you do it."
The third guy says, "Let's just get the monkey to do it." And the monkey puts the cork in the cow's behind. They win the biggest cow contest and get the money they need to save the farm.
The second guy realizes that they need to take the cork out of the cow. "Guys, we need to take the cork out of the cow," he says.
"Well, I'm not going to do it. You do it."
"No, you do it."
The third guy says, "Let's just get the monkey to do it again." So the monkey uncorks the cow, and there was a huge explosion. A few days later, the three men wake up in the hospital.
The doctor walks up to the first man and asks, "What happened?"
The first man replies, "All I remember is that horrible sound."
The doctor walks up to the second man and asks, "What happened?"
"All I remember is that horrible smell..."
The doctor walks up to the third man and again asks the same question. The third man looks at him and says, "All I remember is that poor poor monkey trying to put the cork back in."
What do you call an autistic kid with a glock?
Special forces.
Btw, I'm 13.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 10 fingers, the middle ones are for you.
Two balls sit inside a bucket. One turned to another and said, "Hey man, boing, are you sentient, too?"
The other one said, "I’m sapient, you are sentient!"
BOINGZINGA!?!
Why do white people colonize everything?
To steal a culture for themselves, something other than fornicating with anything that moves including their own children and pets, which they already do.
A cow went into a pride of lions' territory.
Since that moment, he knew his life was on the stake.
Did you hear that Stephen Hawking wrote a new book? It's called "Around The House in Eighty Days."
An Indian kid walked into the shop and had a curry down because they had no naan bread in stock.