Aed jokes
Hey girl, are you osteoporosis, because you're giving me a "bone" condition.
A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going to the airport, which one gets there first? The lesbian, duh, they get there "lickety-split."
How do you get a Japanese fanclub?
Walk around with a bundle of gas masks!
How do you know a vampire's sick?
If he's coffin (coughing?)
Spock went to the Enterprise's toilet and he knocked on it. "Kirk, are you in there?" Spock asked.
Kirk answered, "Hold on, I am making a captain's log."
joe mama roast
I was the manager at a McDonald’s in Turin when I saw Penaldo walk in and submit a job application. I asked him to show me his skills and experience, but he just started diving and asking for pens and tap-ins. I was confused until Penaldo told me that’s all he knows how to do.
Teacher makes 1 kid recite the ABCs and the other count to 10.
Teacher: You can kill 2 birds with 1 stone.
Little Johnny goes home and throws a rock at two birds. One dies. He gives his dad a concussion from the rock hitting his head.
Johnny at school: You can kill a bird and give a man a concussion.
One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.
I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.
Teacher: Don’t run into the road!
Down syndrome: Weeeeee!
Teacher: Lol, now he’s a mashed potato.
What does a paedophile say when he gets to heaven?
A: Where's the holy baby?
It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.
Your mom is so fat that she works as a hydraulic press in a car factory!
What’s the best kind of candy to offer at a Pride parade?
Skittles.
I have a dead fish in my lunchbox.
I saw a dad shave his daughter's head because she made fun of a woman with cancer.
Good thing she didn’t make fun of a pregnant woman 🤭
(To a thief) If you like taking things, how about you take my life?
Consent before sex is a joke. It's just politically correct feminazi propaganda.
Where does a black Eskimo live?
In a Nigglu.
What's the difference between a toaster and a ten-year-old Chinese girl? A Japanese soldier would regret sticking his d*ck into a toaster.
Why was the Tower of Pisa leaning? Because it wanted to look up a 10 year old girl’s skirt.