Aed jokes
Teachers: Whenever there’s a school shooting, hide under the desk.
Students: Hiding under desk.
Shooter: Well, no one’s in here!
What do you call a cat that walks slowly?
CATerpillar
Stephen Hawking walks into a bar, just kidding.
What do you say after making fun of a disabled person?
"Sorry, I didn't mean to step on your toes."
What does an Irish bowler put in his hands to guarantee a wicket next ball?
A bat.
Why can’t an orphan make a joke?
Dad jokes.
FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.
There was a guy called Manners, one called Poo, and one called Shut Up.
One day, Manners was on his way to pick up Poo from school. A police officer stopped Shut Up and said:
Police: "What’s you name?"
Shut Up: "Shut Up."
Police: "Where's your manners?!"
Shut Up: "Picking up Poo."
Tony's wife got a divorce from Tony. She said she wanted to be an independent woman.
Days later, Tony's wife had an accident. Guess who's crawling back for help. 💀
Don't tell me I haven't got balls. I just happen to wear mine on my chest, and I can guarantee they're a lot bigger than yours!
If I teach man he is the fish I caught, will I no longer be a fisher of men?
I am not making a noose; I am making an unsubscribe button for life.
I pushed a disabled kid down a busy road and yelled out, "Mario Kart!"
What did one God say to the other?
"I will die to be a man."
Why did Michael Jackson become white? He wanted to be like a ghost, and I have any feeheet.
Remember, the confession booth is not a glory hole.
What's the difference between a hooker and a burrito?
I don't eat burritos.
God = what I hope to be.
Devil = what I can't accept.
I hope to be like Jesus, a dead martyr. I can't accept that my religion is evil.
If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I'd be broke.
I am going to be a ghost for Halloween. I actually want to be a ghost every day, because at least I'd be dead.