Aed jokes
Q: How do you make an emo kid happy?
A: Give them a Happy Meal.
Q: Why can’t Jesus make fun of gay people?
A: He got nailed first.
Pro tip: How to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make your child hold the nail.
A guy wakes up one morning and is walking down the road, and he smells fish, and he says, "Good morning, ladies!"
What does a man have 3 of, which a girl only has 2 of?
Legs.
When I saw a kid fall with no legs, I said, "Just walk it off!"
I was going to make a depressing joke, but my parents already did.
I saw a fat woman at the bus stop today, so I asked her, "When's it due?"
She replied, "I'm not fucking pregnant, you rude prick!"
I said, "I meant the bus, you fat cunt!"
To anger a Libertarian lie to him, to anger a Democrat tell him the truth, to anger a Republican sodomize him.
Yo mama so fat, she could fly a hot air balloon by letting out her gas.
1, 2, I have a gun.
3, 4, I am in a school.
5, 6, Everyone on the ground!
What do my mom and a basketball have in common?
My mom's tits and ass are bouncy, just like a basketball.
My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.
What's the same thing between a baby and a grenade?
They both make a sound when thrown.
What's an orphan's favorite meme?
Homer going into a bush.
Might take a while to notice and this one is bad.
I saw someone who was about to jump off a bridge. They were wearing a Nike "JUST DO IT" shirt.
Are you a sports car? Because you give my heart quite a rush!
A different version of you exists in the minds of everyone that knows you.
Are you made of gold, titanium, sulfur, titanium, and carbon?
Cuz you’re looking a little big Au Ti S Ti C.
Motherhood is a fairytale in reverse. You start in a beautiful gown and end up cleaning everyone's messes.