Aed jokes
I tried to eat ass once. The donkeys got one hell of a kick!
I went to the mental hospital. I asked one of the kid what its favorite animal was. They said a bird. I asked for a reason. It's because they both jump off roofs.
Little Johnny: Hey, Dad, are you finally back with the milk?
Dad: Yea, but it's expired, so I'm going back to the "milk store" and get more (and not come back for a couple more years). :)
What do you call a male robot who wants to be a girl?
A trans-former.
When you're having a normal day at school, but then...
"All the other kids with the pumped up kicks"
When you go to a baseball game and they say, "Heads up!" and you put your head up, and the ball hits you in the head.
Are you the Lusitania 'cause I wanna fire a torpedo into you?
Devil: Hey angel.
Angel: Hi devil, why are you nice?
Devil: What do angels add to their food to make it a little more spicy?
Angel: What?
Devil: Angelpinos!
How do planets have a baby?
They have spasex.
I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."
(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)
A priest walks into a bar, immediately orders the kids' menu.
Me to an orphan: If you had a penny for everyone who loved you, I don't think you'd have any.
The orphan: But why?
Me: Because if someone loved you, they wouldn't have thrown you out.
What's the difference between a dad and an Emo?
They both don't last a while.
Orphans are just wannabe children. They want a family.
If Finding Nemo was scientifically correct, Marlin would have changed into a female and mated with Nemo.
I robbed a person in a wheelchair. He cried and said: "You can run, but you can't hide." I ran, and I never saw him again.
What do a stool and an emo have in common?
They both sit still.
What’s a downy's favorite song? Down Under.
Are you a building?
Cuz I rate you 9/11.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Because there was a dad on the other side.