Aed jokes
What do cells call their friends with? A cell phone.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and have some fun.
Silly Jill forgot the pill, and now they have a son.
What is the difference between a sloth and a depressed kid? A sloth doesn't need a rope to hang.
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy, but Jack had a shock and a mouth full of cock, and Jill's real name was Randy.
The wine taster at an old vineyard died. A homeless guy, looking ragged and dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the manager to give him a try.
The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped, and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels,” he said. "Impressive," said the manager.
The man is given another. “Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in steel vats.”
The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said, “It's a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!”
I'm starting a new charity where homosexuals help the extremely handicapped.
I'm calling it "Fruits and Vegetables".
Let me tell you a story.
There once was a bro who constantly choked on chodes.
He didn't want his bros to ever know that he constantly choked on chodes.
He lived in a dorm, and all day he watched porn, but still he would suck on some corn.
One day he would go to choke on some tasty chode, but his bros found out, gave him a shout, and kicked him out yelling that he broke the bro code.
What is tall when it's young but short when it's old?
A candle or a pencil!
Yo mama so nasty, she gave yo daddy head, then gave you a kiss good night.
What is a blind person's favorite color?
Black.
A shoplifter tried to rob a grocery store.
He was asked to give an "eggsplanation."
NASA = Not Africa North America. That's what NASA stands for.
How to tell if you're depressed? You came to a website called "worst jokes ever.com" looking for a quick smile.
Have you ever seen a blind man swim?
Neither has he.
If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning.
Why do feminists believe that they can act like a bitch towards men if they want to? Because they were born without a penis.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and cry.
When I went to basketball training, there was a giant bag of basketballs on the floor.
My friend was like, "That's a huge sack of balls!"
He didn't realize what was about to happen.
"That's what she said!"
Hey, I misplaced 2.1 trillion a few days ago, on September 7th, 2001.
I looked at my daughter. I told her what's wrong.
She said I wasn't being a daddy to her until...