Aed jokes
Chuck Norris wins a staring contest. -- Against Medusa.
Yo mama so stupid, she hides behind a glass door when playing hide and seek.
What do you call a pineapple in a pun?
A Puneapple.
Tomorrow is Christmas, and I'm giving myself a present that I can't wait to open. It's my wrist. (Yes, this was inspired by a Fall Out Boy song.)
A sign that broadcast television has less impact on the masses: The force-feeding of Kelly Clarkson on network television has yet to impact the large stacks of Kelly Clarkson CDs collecting dust in Goodwill, right next to those James Last LPs.
*bowl of dark grapes*
Friend 1: I like my grapes how I like my men.
Friend 2: Black? Good one.
Friend 1: 21 at a time.
So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.
A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."
Why do orphans not like 1st-5th grade teachers?
Because they have a home room.
I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.
Q: Why did the chef get fired?
A: He took cooking advice from Hitler!
Boy: Will you remember me in a minute?
Mom: Yes.
Boy: Will you remember me in a day?
Mom: Yes.
Boy: Will you remember me in a year?
Mom: Yes.
Boy: Knock knock.
Mom: Who's there?
Boy: Bitch, you forgot me.
What's the number one pick up line at a gay bar?
"May I push your stool in?"
What's the difference between fruit and a freshly killed corpse?
I don't eat the fruit.
Name something you practiced kissing on as a kid.
Sister. SWEET HOME ALABAMA!
What does a sad cowboy and a supernatural fan have in common?
Both want to put a Winchester in their mouth.
A girl asked, "Can I have some nuts too?"
Boy: "Sure, what ones ;)"
Did you know "bj" ends with "job" because if you are giving a man a blow job, it sucks? But if you’re giving it to a woman, it's called "eating out" because it’s a privilege.
Wood fired pizza?
How's pizza gonna pay child support now?! :O
Please drop a like.
Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?
So we can think about a solution in silence.
Why do orphans hate Geometry?
Because it reminds them that their parents are poley-gone.
I know this is a very corny joke.