Aed jokes
My ex died today.
I also lost my job as a butcher.
What’s the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
I went to my local shooting range today but was surprised when I saw on the news that there was a school shooting in my shooting range. I don't know who snitched...
How do you break up blind people in a fight? Scream, "I put my money on the guy with the knife!"
I was going to tell a 9/11 joke, but it was really plane.
What do you call 2 octopuses that look the same? Identical!
Where does an octopus put its money? In an octo-purse!
What is never ordered in an orphanage?
A family sized pizza!
What do LGBTQ+ people use as a weapon in THG (The Hunger Games)?
A rainbow.
Q: What happens when a pig plays tug-of-war?
A: Pulled pork.
My aunt worked as a human cannonball.
I'm not sure if she was good at it until she got fired.
Q: What’s a good thing about child molesters?
A: They drive slow through school zones.
I bought a wooden whistle. I tried so hard, but it wouldn't whistle.
So I bought a steel one. It still wouldn't let me whistle. Then I got a lead one. It still wouldn't lead me whistle. Then I realised, they were flutes, so the wood would lead me whistle if I did it correctly. Steel....
Why do a pedophile love Halloween?
Free delivery.
How do you keep a bull from charging?
You take its credit card away.
What’s the difference between a motorcycle and a mutilated body?
I don’t have a motorcycle in my garage.
What do you call a pissed off midget?
A micro-aggression.
What do you call an otter video game that is about robbing?-
Grand Theft Otter!
What is a pirate's favorite letter? You might think it’s the "R," but it’s actually the "C".
— Wanna hear a joke about ghosts?
— No.
— That's the spirit!
A conductor was conducting a song. At the end, he threw his conductor's stick and killed someone. He was put to the electric chair, but nothing happened. They asked why he didn't die, and he replied, "I'm a bad conductor."