Aed jokes

My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!

It's not my birthday, but a scary-looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house.

What do you get when you throw holy water on a cow?

A holy cow!

What’s the name of the band in the gay bar?

A: Beers for Queers.

What's something a depressed person can do that a regular person can't?

The depressed person can scan themself.

"My dick fell off in the shower!" suddenly a bright flash of white lights. You see God smiling at you. "Joseph, where is your wiener, little one?" He says, chuckling lightly.

Your forehead is so big that it couldn’t handle an acute angle.

Your forehead is so big you can smoke a cigar in the rain.

What is a shark’s favorite TV show? Sea-S-I.

It was so cold out today believe it or not, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!

Nobody really liked our fireplace.

So I turned it into a brick pizza oven. Idk why, but now everyone likes our fireplace.

What does a construction worker say to another construction worker?

Screw you!

Let's take a look at the Swedish bench for today's game. $12.99 from Ikea.

"Discuss the synopsis of this poem: My Friend Billy Has A Ten-Foot Willy."

Q. What does a Russian girl do when she gets unexpectedly pregnant?

A. Has an abortion.

I saw a tree. I looked up, and there was an apple hanging. And then I said, "Wow, that guy is lucky!"

Why is basketball such a messy sport?

'Cause the players are always dribbling everywhere!

I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

What happened to the depressed kid who tried to high five a tree?

Answer: He was left there hanging.

Edward Scissorhands: Why is it that every time I touch someone, they get offended?

Kids: Because you're a psycho path.

I'm lookin' for some good jokes for the best song award. Can y'all help a fellow out?