Aed jokes
Why was the snowman looking through a bag of carrots?
He was picking his nose.
When I was 11, my mom came home from the bar super drunk that night, and I just wanted to know if they knew where the cat was because I heard a noise. We had a loooooooong talk the next morning.
What do you call a sociopath who damages a box of Wheaties? A cereal criminal!
*America shoots down balloon*
China: "You killed an innocent man!!"
USA: "What?!"
China: "Yes, he was a famous sumo wrestler."
I have a pen, I have an Apple, um, Apple pen.
The Taliban had a plane, the US had a building boom, 9/11.
God made Adam and Eve have sex right out the gate.
Then he made teenagers horny... yet here we are with a so-called "rise in teen pregnancy."
I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a home page.
What do you call a devil texting you? Travelers on the way. 😈🤣
I pulled a prank on my friend the other day. I painted a portrait of the backrooms blueprints while he was sleeping. Still had some extra space.
I love telling stories as theatrical plays. When we had a free dress day near Christmas, my teacher dressed up as a reindeer, so I got my teacher involved... and shot her.
What do an orphan and a blind person have in common? They both can't see their parents.
Bro sat down too close for comfort. I told him to move or he would get hurt.
Come on, how hard could it possibly be To move a few inches? You’re touching my D.
A guy really needs his personal space. Disobey and I’ll shove it in your face.
What do you call a night person? A night owl 🦉 who is up all night, lol!
How does a rapper start his day?
With a MIC check!
I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died, so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone. And it turns out he only knows Spanish, so when he kept saying, "Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida," I thought he wanted water. But when I got back with the water he was asleep, and now my phone was charged, so I translated what he said. And it was, "You unplugged my life support." That's when I called the doctor...
Good news is, I got one sick selfie!
"A dyslexic atheist lies awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog."
What do you call a stupid bear?
The bear that's gonna give this an explanation, and he's dumb.
What do you call a Mongolian swindler? A Khan artist.
Me, holding a baby: "Oh my God, it's so cute!"
Also me: "Throw it."
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To go to Chick-fil-A.