Aed jokes
One day Timmy walks in on his mum in the bath. Then he asks, “What’s that dark fuzzy thing, mummy?” and mum said, “It’s a bush, every girl has one!” Then the next day he walks in on his dad in the shower. So he asks, “Daddy, what’s that long thing?” The dad then says, “It’s a sexy boy” accidentally. Timmy asks his dad, “What does sexy mean?” And the dad says, “Your mother, of course,” making it seem like a child-friendly compliment. Then the next day at school Timmy wanted to compliment his teacher. He walks up to her and says, “You’re so so sexy!”
Nobody:
Michael Jackson: giving kids a free cream pie.
Stephen Hawking went on a date and came back with a broken leg. I can't believe she stood him up.
A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."
Once i was walking along the beach and there was a girl with no arms or legs there, i walked by and she said excuse me, will you touch me ive never been touched before, i was like okay so i touched her, i kept on walking along and there was the same girl, she said sir will you kiss me, i went alright so i went up and kissed her, i thought that was weird but anyway i kept walking along and there she was again, she said sir will you fuck me? I went okay so i picked her up and threw her in the ocean and went YOUR FUCKED NOW
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One screams when you put it in a blender, and the other one is a cooperative little fruit.
I saw this really old guy with the Hitler stache, so I decided to start beating him up.
It was very weird when a camera crew came out with Harrison Ford and started yelling at me.
I met a rock the other day. He was a very gneiss guy.
I tried writing with a dull pencil the other day, but there was no point.
What do you call someone in a wheelchair during a California fire?
A steamed vegetable.
How many babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
More than 10, since my basement's still dark.
If I had a spray can, I would spray it on your ass. Because the instructions say to spray on flat surfaces.
There's no smoke or fire without a Muslim.
Why does JD Vance not need a conviction?
His running mate has 34 of them!
What's flat chested and emo? A cutting board.
Q. What does Kenny get when he hugs his mom?
A. A boner.
What is long that Paul Walker can fit into his mouth? A long black tree.
Yo mama's so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market drops.
Why did the rapist go after the mute? It would be a silent attack.
Why is a gun like a box of chocolates?
If you pull one out in class, everyone wants to be your friend.