Aed jokes
What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?
A baby with burst armbands.
Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a Bloody Mary. The second orders a Bloody Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks, “A Bloody Mary?”
The vampire shakes his head. “Hot water for me.”
“Hot water?”
“I found a tampon out back and want to make tea.”
When you have sex with a coworker but remember it's a family business.
When a clock goes forward, it's tic-tac, but when Rommel goes backwards, it's tactic!
A tiny psychic escaped from jail, and the news said there a small medium at large.
Stephen Hawking would be a bad Pokemon.
He'd always be paralyzed, and his only move would be tackle!
What is the most dangerous mountain? Kilimanjaro.
At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become.
On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again.
“Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.
What's the difference between Stephen and a car? A car loses oil, Stephen loses the ability to walk.
The cheetah had a race with a lion, and the cheetah won.
The lion was like, "Why you always a cheetah?"
The cheetah was like, "Why you always lion (lying)?"
What do you call a cow eating grass?
A Lawn Moo-er.
What is 80 feet wide and has 22 teeth?
Answer: The front row of a Trump Rally!
What’s a sheep’s favorite fruit?
A baaaaaaaanaaaaaana!
What do you call a musician 👩🎤 who drinks soda and sings 🎤 at the same time?
A popsinger.
What kind of fish comes out at night?
A starfish.
When is a car not a car? When it turns into a driveway. 🥁
I got a job at a library once. I got fired like an hour in because the library manager said that the cookbooks didn’t go into the women’s sports section.
I told a diabetic boy to have sweet dreams, and he died the next morning.
What do you call a pregnant slave? A two for one deal.
Sans: Zzzzzzzz.
Papyrus: SANS, WAKE UP!!
Sans: What is it, dude?
Papyrus: A human has fallen from the surface world!
Sans: And you gotta BONE to pick with 'em??