Aed jokes
It's opposite day today. I'm gonna tell an orphan that their parents are here.
What's the quickest way to go to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.
I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.
I tried to give directions to an orphan, but he got lost because there was no home.
What do you call a person who doesn't masturbate?
A liar.
Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."
Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"
What’s an orphan's favorite drink?
Fosters.
I'm worth something, I got a barcode on my arm!
What did the Chinese girl say when she had a baby?
"Sum ting wong."
What is an orphan's favorite period? Homeroom.
I was a sit-down comedian, then I tried to stand up. I fell.
I wished I stayed in the wheelchair.
What do you call an emo with no legs?
Emobile.
Somebody told me to cheer up so.... I told him to pass me a rope :)
Your friend walks up to you and shows you a picture of an overweight woman.
What would you rate this woman?
A 7.
Why?
Because 7 ate 9!
What do you call an orphan's family reunion?
Me time.
Two men ran into a bar. You would have thought after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it.
A friend called me a while back saying, "I have COVID.... I can't breathe, I really have a hard time breathing."
I reply saying, "Dude, you need to work on your George Floyd jokes."
What do you say to a depressed person on the ceiling?
Hang in there!
What was one phrase Michael Jackson said to a boy in his bed? Baby, be mine.
The Titanic is now a resort for fish.