Aed jokes
One day, a girl was showering with her mom. She pointed at her mom's breasts and asked: "When can I get these?" Her mother replied: "In about 6 to 7 years when you grow up :)".
The other day, the girl's showering with her dad, and she pointed at his penis and asked: "When can I get this?" Her dad looked around and replied: "In about 20 minutes when your mom leaves the house."
This one kid I knew had Down syndrome, and he turned a mirror upside down trying to get rid of it.
What do you call an autistic person with a driver's license?
A LETHAL WEAPON!
What's the difference between a cat and a banana? It's hard to peel a cat.
A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."
What is a physicist's favorite food?
Fission chips.
What does a shark and a computer have in common?
They both have megabytes.
JFK: Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head.
What is the biggest disrespect to send a box of tea bags to Africa?
The barman says, "We don't serve time travelers in here."
A time traveler walks into a bar.
What do you call a school shooting survivor who grows up to be a prostitute on the West Coast?
A Sandy Hooker
What do you call a gay T-Rex?
A tyranno-sore-ass!
What do dark humor and a person with scoliosis have in common?
Both are sick and twisted.
A girl walks into an Adult Store. "Hi, I want to buy that red dildo right there."
Cashier: "That's a fire extinguisher, you whore."
Girl, are you a rope? Because I want to hang with you.
It did not rain very often when Chuck Norris was a kid.
Why?
Because his favorite childhood song was "Rain Rain Go Away."
Do you know what's in common between a hitman and a photographer?
They all shoot people for a living.
Why do black people only have nightmares?
Because the last one to have a dream got shot. (Martin Luther King joke)
Q. What do you get when you blindfold a racist?
A. A Notsee.
I played the Angry Birds theme while watching a 9/11 documentary.