Aed jokes
A is for apple, B is for dyslexia—oh wait, no! That’s D!
Who works at IHOP? A girl with one leg.
P1: Why did the chicken cross the road?
P2: To get to the other side DUH?!?
P1: No dumbass, it's to get run over because he has depression, a chronic illness, and his father left him for a good for nothing pimp that doesn’t even give a shit about how he feels. (Kinda like me).
P2: Holy shit are u ok? *Some random eavesdropping fucker dials 911 in a hurry*
My mom has a policy where if you kill a butterfly, no butter for a week, and if you kill a grub, no grub for a week.
She killed a cockroach today. I have some bad news for her.
What’s the difference between 911 and an abortion?
With 911 there was a victim to tell the tale.
What did PETA say when a cheetah won 5 million dollars?
You can't beat a cheetah!
Jesus and his friend went fishing. They both cast their lines out, and both of them get a bite, but Jesus's friend misses and says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus said, "That's a bad sentence to say; if you say it 3 times, something bad will happen to you." They cast it out again, and both get a bite, and Jesus's friend misses again and says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus replied, "If you say that one more time, something bad will happen." They cast out again, and Jesus's friend's line snaps, and he says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus said, "That's the last time something bad will happen." The biggest thunderstorm ever seen appeared, and a lightning bolt struck Jesus, and a voice came from the clouds, "Damn, I missed."
There once was a little girl named Sarah with no arms and legs.
*knock knock*
Who's there!
Not Sarah.
A girl asks her Asian boyfriend if he wants to eat her pussy. He asks her why she is taking off her clothes, instead of cooking her cat.
In life, it’s either yeet or get beat, and I clearly failed yeeting as a child, as my dad beat me.
A boy with Down Syndrome was talking with his mom.
“Mom, why did God make me like this?” he said.
“It’s because God made you special,” she said.
“Just kidding, I was only talking about your needs.”
Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding got together back in the day for a horse racing venture. Tonya says, "I'll handle the handicapping, you go ride the 3-year-olds."
What do you call a rich white man? Cracker with Cheese!
What do you call a guy whose hand is up a horse's butt?
An Amish Mechanic.
Good sex sounds like a white man walking across the street with flip-flops on.
Why does Mexico not have a good athletics team? Because anyone who can run or jump is already over the wall.
what is the fastest land animal? the last chicken in a Kenyan village.
What do you say to a fat Asian?
You got more chins than a Chinese phone book.
How many babies do you need to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
A starving homeless kid asks me for food.
I said, "sorry, my plate is full."
Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed, receiving medical treatment not that far after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit him. Jeremy told his best buddy this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb tall peaking mountains, and low flat valleys, and all after that we'll be happy forever in heaven, eventually." Little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor.