Aed jokes

Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, “Who created the Earth?” And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, “MY GOD!” And the teacher says, “Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth.” Sally sits down.

Then, the teacher asks, “Where do you go after you live a good life?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, “HEAVENS TO BETSY!” And the teacher says, “Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life.” Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around.

And then, the teacher asks the class, “What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around, and says, “If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I’m gonna lose it!” And the teacher faints.

There's nothing I like more than seeing a politician in a nice suit.

An orange jumpsuit that is :)

I hate it when couples get into a little fight and they change their Facebook status to "single." I have fights with my parents, but I don't change my Facebook status to "orphan."

What type of phone do orphans have?

Android because they don't have a home button.

Bestie Hannah heard that bestie Iz had a migraine! What did she do? She said, "My grains don’t hurt that much, at least not when the animals eat them!"

Why does Aaron chug beer on a Wednesday?

Because his dad beats him every single day because he has scoliosis.

Everyone, if I am not online, that is because I am on a vacation, so yeah.

What has 182 teeth and holds back a monster?

My zipper.

How do you get a discount off groceries?

Scan the emo kid's wrists.

Little Johnny walked into an ice cream shop and asked: "Do you have chocolate filled ice cream?"

The man replies: "We are out of that, sorry, we are almost out of every single flavor, do you want me to get you a vanilla filled one?"

Johnny replies: "Sure."

After that, the man asks for Johnny's phone and goes to back of the store. 5 minutes later, the man comes with an ice cream and Johnny's phone.

Johnny asks: "How much for the ice cream?"

The man replies: "Nothing, it's on the house."

After Johnny ate his delicious ice cream, he searched for his watch history. And then Johnny realized the flavor of the ice cream.

The second coming came and went. Jesus believed he was a Christian; therefore, he could never be himself.

What pronouns would Michael Jackson have used as a Gender Identifier?

“He/he.”

My wife told me to pass her some chapstick, but then I realized she hasn’t talked to me in a month, then remembering I gave her super glue.........ehh I’m done with her big ass mouth.

Dam, sometimes when I look at my friend's head, I say, "Dam, that's a dam big head, Nick." Then he is like, "Dude, that's a literal dam."

American: How do you use a PC?

Amish: We use a potato.

Today is Elder Abuse Awareness Day.

Unfortunately, they're still not giving lessons on how to beat an annoying Alzheimer's patient without leaving a mark.

I took my pony to the vet because I thought he was making a funny noise when he neighed. The vet said everything was okay and he was just a little horse.

What do you call a chicken that catches ghosts? A poultrygeist.

So, you're human, huh? Well, I'm a skeleton, so not much gets under my skin.

This isn't a joke, but in some countries, children eat their shit for better digestion when constipated.