Aed jokes
A seizure is just an excuse for break dancing.
Where do orphans go to get a happy meal?
Orph-Donald's.
How many Bay Street bankers does it take to change a light bulb?
In Toronto? One to hold it up and expect the entire country to revolve around them.
Why did the butt smell so bad? Because he didn’t have a nose! AND HE FARTED TOO!
What do you call a Mexican Transformer? Optimus Juan!
Have you ever had a friend who masturbated many times? I had one who did a lot, but he had no imagination... when he masturbated, he imagines his hand.
Life is like a penis.
Women make it hard.
My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.
School Rizz:
You are my exam. I am always thinking about you but never making a move.
What does a depressed person and a chicken have in common? They both try to fly.
Why did Hittle kill himself? Because he wanted to buy a car, but then Hittler farted.
What's the difference between a salad and a baby? People don't usually scream when you shake around a salad.
Motherhood is like a fairy tale, but in reverse. You start out in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after little people.
Little Johnny walks into the living room and asks his parents, "Mom, Dad, what do you get when you crossbreed a bulldog and shih tzu?"
The mother and father shrug and say, "We have no idea, Johnny. What do you get?" and little Johnny replies, "You get a bullshit."
Robert Scott is a NumNut.
When you think you're depressed, but you know you're probably just using depression to be lazy and self-loathing, but then you realize that it, in itself, might actually be a symptom of depression.
Well gang, it looks like we've got another mystery on our hands!
"Learn to fly a plane," they said. "It'll be fun," they said...
What is the difference between gross and kinky according to a Canadian?
Using a toothpick to remove human feces between your teeth after licking another person's ass is gross, but performing a blowjob on a man who is well-endowed while he is eating a tuna fish sandwich, with maple syrup instead of mayonnaise, is kinky.
If I adopt a child, is it mine?
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Yo Mama so thin, when she signed up to be a stripper she became the pole