Aed jokes
The shovel is a ground breaking invention.
*Slaps and laughs*
Why was the blunt pencil bad at making speeches? It never had a point.
Chuck Norris once took down a fence. Maybe you heard of it, the Berlin Wall.
What bird doesn’t need a comb?
Bald eagles.
Why do pedophiles go to a nursery?
Early access.
Jeff, did you hear they're making a film about Jimmy Savile? It’s a very touchy subject.
Yeah, I did, Gary, but did you hear the reviews on the Bill Cosby film? People said it was so boring it put them to sleep.
What do the initials NOW stand for?
(A.) National Organization For Women
(B.) National Organization of Whores
(C.) All the above
Answer:
Since the initials NOW can stand for anything, the correct answer is all the above.
Q: What is Trump?
A: An oversized oompa loompa.
If you own a gun and you live in the USA, hide your gun upstairs. Biden can't get it.
Biden: *falls over on steps*
What did the North tower say to the south tower? "Sorry, can't talk, got to catch a plane."
A kid milks a cow and goes to school and tells his friends, "I milked a cow, and it took awhile for it to warm up." His brother came over and said, "We don't have cows, we have bulls."
A cop saw an old lady carrying two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash.
"How did you get all this?" asked the cop.
"Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grabbed my hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that, nobody pees in my yard ever again."
The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?"
She said, "Not everybody paid."
Down Syndrome is already a joke.
What does a pedophile and a light switch have in common?
They both get turned on by children.
Me and my wife were out at dinner. Me being 48 and her being 19, people were screaming at us and calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.
Yo mama so fat, when she said, "I want a boat," they gave her a naval ship.
Who can drink 20 liters of fuel without dying? A jerrycan.
Papyrus ran headfirst into a windmill. Guess you can call him a bonehead.
I bought my cousin a trampoline, she started crying. She was in a wheelchair.
A man sees a small boy begging for money. He walks up to him and asks him if he is an orphan.
The boy asks, "What gave me away?"
The man responds, "Your parents."