Aed jokes
Being in a band without a pencil is as easy as reading snare drum music.
What does a waiter in a Chinese restaurant call a customer that won't leave a tip? A "plick."
My dad said not to touch this thingy called a gun, but I looked down that pole and pressed that thing, and now I'm in heaven.
My newly wed wife is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.
The highest praise my wife gave to me was when she told me, "The best feminine attribute on your body as a woman would be your p🍆nis." 🥰
You are so ugly, when you went to a haunted house, you came back with a job application.
I killed a man, but it was April Fools'!
Why is a priest called "father?" It's too weird to call them "daddy."
So, there was this kid, and he went to a store and said to a person there, "I'm emo." Then the person told the emo, "Why the hell are you here? Shouldn't you be hanging in a tree somewhere?"
This is not even a joke.
A man walks into a bar and then out.
What do you call a bottle of water flying over Africa?
A UFO.
If 6 guys are in a room with each other, is it technically a 6-pack?
Why did Stephen Hawking fall over?
'Cause he had a screw loose!
What do you call a kid that’s cold and his name is war?
Cold War.
They say the polar ice caps are melting, good, because my wife's a fat, cold bitch.
The best part about being a medical student is, you will never run out of jokes.
Doctor: Congratulations!!!
Woman: Was it a successful delivery?
Doctor: No, it’s DiGiorno!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
I eat mop.
A-I eat mop who?
What do you call a house that isn't a house?
Not a house.