Aed jokes
You can tell if a woman is angry if she is holding a gun.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because he can't find home.
What does a nun say when you ask too many questions?
"Nunya business!"
Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? Idaho, Alaska?
What it actually means: Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? I don’t know. I’ll ask her.
P.S. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here.
Last week I went on a whale watch.
After everyone had piled onto a boat, they loaded the boat onto a trailer and drove to your house.
My teacher made us watch a movie about the struggles of being an overweight person in this day and age.
It was really heavy on me.
What's the difference between taking a shit and the Ottawa police force?
Usually taking a shit only requires one ass wipe!
"You cannot win a war without a war."
-Sun Tzu, *The Art Of War*
When creating the world, Jesus made the water salty. A person comes up to the water, drinks it, and says: "Why are you so salty?"
I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.
And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."
My girlfriend is so stupid, she asked me if I wanted to shower with her to save money on our water bill, while we were staying at a hotel where we didn't even have to pay the water bill.
Yo mama so fat that when she sits, she makes a 7.4 earthquake.
"Dinosaur killing with a 2x4, no more purple dinosaur!"
What do you call a red potato?
A tomato. 🍅
(I know it's cringe!)
Yo mama so dumb, when her computer was asking for cookies, she grabbed a cookie, smashed it onto the screen, and broke the computer.
Why do men get great ideas in bed?
'Cause they are plugged into a genius!
What does it mean when there is a man in your bed, gasping for breath and saying your name?
It just means that you didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
A person with a wheelchair and a football, then they are Rocket League.
What do you say to an upset German?
Quit being such a sauerkraut!
What's the difference between you and a calendar?
Calendars got dates.