Aed jokes
Yo mama's so fat, it took me two buses and a train to get to her good side.
If your hairline was a river, it would meander left, right, and backwards.
Ever tried looking in a mirror lately? I wouldn't, your crooked hairline might break it.
What is the difference between you and a calendar?
A calendar has dates.
What does Mammot like on a woman’s body?
Bum bum bummmm buuummmmm bummm.
What’s the difference between a photocopier and the flu?
One makes facsimiles; the other makes sick families.
Why does Mao Zedong like the east coast?
Because there is a red Sun in the sky.
I wish you were a soap, because I want you all over me.
I bet when you take a bath, they give you the whole pool. No, better yet, the ocean!
The only thing running in THIS family’s your big ass mouth! Oh, I’d better shut up, or Big Bertha’s gonna confuse my head for a burger!
Mate, my wife Susan has kicked me out again, anyone got a lift?
Bored? Run over an orphan with your car! What are they going to do, tell their nonexistent parents?
What do you call a guy that lies a lot?
The president.
Just looking for a cunt...
Oh hello, found one.
A Make-A-Wish patient wanted to see Black Panther IRL, so I pulled his plug.
What do you call a sad rabbit? Unhoppy.
Why isn't there a sad sunglasses emoji? To show that I am happy but I'm still cool.
Waitress: What can I get for you?
Me: I'll have a steak.
Waitress: How would you like it?
Me: Immediately!
Is it a bird? Is it a plane?
I don't know, but it's coming for the towers.
My girlfriend asked me to hand her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
If you got a bowling ball and you stuck it on top of a sack of potatoes, what would you get?
A "retiree."