Aed jokes
If you have a pair and it runs around the street, what do you call it? A running pair.
We were watching a 9/11 documentary in class.
I started playing the Angry Birds theme song. That didn't fly well with people, the teacher yelled at me like a bomb, and I landed on the ground.
Why does the orphan can’t write a single word or sentence?
Because the orphan is dumber.
What is the difference between a Walking Dead and you? He doesn't feel pain.
Imagine you ask a girl out in braille.
And she leaves you on felt.
Me: How do you celebrate Christmas?
Orphan: I don't know what you mean.
Me: There is no one to give a present.
A priest and a rabbi were hanging out at a playground. The priest waves to a kid to come over and tells the rabbi, "Let's screw this kid."
The rabbi looks confused and asks, "Out of what?"
Her Name was Lola. She was a loner. At the Copa I saw her And I just wanted to bone her!
Her name was Lola.
She was a loner.
At the Copa.
Then I saw her,
And I got a boner.
The next morning,
She couldn't remember if I banged her.
Texas is such a shitty state. There’s a reason it only has one star.
I asked my French mate if he had a games console. He said, "Oui!"
A "monster" that has 2 heads, 2 bodies, 6 feet, why am I not afraid of the "monster"? It's my dad riding a horse.
Why do most orphans cook for themselves?
They don't have a home cook.
What's the difference between me and a corpse? I mean, I'm not dead... yet, right?
What do you get when you cross a cow with a cat?
A: Cowacat
B: Mooore
C: Cowacatfood
Your hairline's so far back, I use it as a ruler to measure things.
There was a kid and a historian in a museum about WW2 and were looking at Hitler in a car doing the Nazi salute. The kid said, “Why is he putting his arm in the air?” The historian said, “Indicators on cars didn’t exist back then so he’s probably saying take the Third Reich!”
Mother: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you follow?
Me: Leads a marching parade off the Golden Gate Bridge.
Your hairline and your forehead must have a lot in common because they go waaaaaaaayyy back!
How much does a chimney cost?
It's free cause it's on the house.