Aed jokes
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a hostage?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
John took a bath with bubbles.
Bubbles was a man.
What has a head and tail but no legs?
A penny.
If you steal a lottery ticket, is it considered Grand Theft Lotto?
Why is there air conditioning at a hospital?
To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.
Yum!
Is it okay to say "nice to meat you" to a vegan?
What do you call it when Portericans surround your house?
A spicket fence!
Well, tell her that Halloween is the best holiday because you can hide Easter eggs under the Christmas tree while eating a big Thanksgiving turkey.
If 4 birds are sitting on a fence and one gets shot, how many are still on the fence?
None, the rest fly away.
A bear is like your best mate, Harry.
If you stab them, they die from a stab wound.
Why take a nap on the toilet?
Because it's a restroom.
Why did the mushroom get a new house?
Because there wasn’t mushroom!
Sally has no arms. She fell off the swing. Why? Someone threw a fridge at her. AAHAHAAAHHAHAH!
What’s the difference between a woman that doesn’t belong in the kitchen and Bigfoot?
Bigfoot is real.
What’s worse than five babies in a dumpster?
One baby in five dumpsters.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
Apparently Steven Hawking was a stand-up kind of guy.
A blind man walked into a bar, and a table, and a chair.
Poipole walks into a bar and says “poipoipoipoi.”
The bartender says, “Sorry, but in order to get takeout, you have to know how to speak a foreign language.” Poipole says “Pika!”
Part 2: He walks up to a stake and nails himself there. Then he finds the knife and says to someone to find a cake to celebrate his death, but everybody came. That was the sign that nobody loved him, and that's how you know if people love you.