Aed jokes

I am the ice cream man running over fat kids with my van. If you touch my van, I’ll smack you in the face with a frying pan. If you steal ice cream, I’ll shoot you in the face with a fudge machine.

If I had a genie grant me wishes, I wouldn't wish for a million pounds. I'd just wish that every time I buy something I just have the right amount of money in my pocket at the time.

What do you call a toddler lying in the middle of the road? Speed bump.

What do you call a cow that doesn't stop shaking?

A milkshake.

What is a bus ride that is dumb? A boring one.

What’s the difference between me and a bakery shop? The bakery shop has cake! 😞🎂

What has 10 wheels and flies? A garbage truck.

I was taking a walk near the prison when I saw a good looking guy climbing down the fence, and when he noticed me, he gave me a sneer! It was pretty condescending.

Ok, now I'm not good at telling jokes, but this one is not too bad. One cunt said to another cunt, "Do you get cold at night?"

"Fuck no, cunt," the first cunt said, "Why?"

"I have a built-in set of vertical curtains to keep the cold out, cunt!" xx

So I was watching TV, right? Then I f***ing got banged in the eye with either a remote or metal tongs. "WTF?"

Where do you go to get the best fish?

A restaurant on the Titanic.

What does a woman call Stormzy in bed?

Stiff chocolate.

What’s the difference between an orphan and a sugar donut?

People want donuts.

How do you get 50 hungry kids into a box? You put a can of beans in there.

How do you get 50 hungry kids out of a box? You run past with a can opener.

Sonic says... April 1st is the best day to do a school shooting. They will think it’s a joke! 😃

OWWWWWWWWWWW I JUST GOT A CUT ON MY BUTT. Oh wait, that’s always been there.

Little Johnny got a dog without ears, and then they invited their neighbors over. Then they asked what his name was. The owners said, "We didn't name him anything, because there's no reason. Because when we called his name, he wouldn't come."

What would a man say to flirt with a woman that has a big butt?

You are so butty-ful!

Life is like a game of chess.

I don’t know how to play chess.

One day a rooster fell into a swimming pool and a cat laughed. And the moral of the story? A wet cock can always satisfy a pussy.