Aed jokes
Never take a person canoeing or kayaking if they had a cerebrovascular accident.
They’ll hear the one word they hate the most: “STROKE, STROKE, STROKE!”
For all the Harry Potter fans:
A VPN is occlumency for smart devices, and our ISP is a legilimens.
Penaldo song 🎵🎵🎵
He has conquered all the Farmers. He is never going to stop. From Lithuania down to Andorra, He has scored a fucking lot. Penalties and Tapins, The Fields of Faroe Islands, He is our GOAT, And his name is Cristiano Columbus. Allez, Allez, Allez Allez, Allez, Allez
My girlfriend's dog died, so I got her a new one in replacement, and she went off on me and yelled,
"What am I supposed to do with 2 dead dogs in my house?!"
One of my students asks, "Can I have a bookmark?"
A year of school and they still don't know my name is Danny.
There's a blind hooker in town.
She never sees anyone coming.
You can't call yourself a baby boomer if you have never detonated an infant.
There was a magician on board the Titanic and said that he could make anything disappear.
Once the ship had gone down one of the passengers said to him, "Go on, so what did you do with the ship then?"
When you think you're depressed, but you know you're probably just using depression to be lazy and self-loathing, but then you realize that it, in itself, might actually be a symptom of depression.
Well gang, it looks like we've got another mystery on our hands!
Everyone give this joke a thumb's down and see if it can become the worst rated joke on the site.
What does a nosey pepper do?
It gets jalapeño business!
What does Michael Jackson and a lion have in common?
They're both predators.
A lot of things have changed since I got my girlfriend pregnant.
My name, my address, and my phone number.
What do you call a gay barbecue?
LGTBBQ.
What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?
A cat has nine lives, and a frog croaks every day.
Why can’t orphans play poker? Because they don’t know what a full house is.
Two boys came home for dinner late, and their mother asked, "Where have you boys been?" One of them replied with, "We were all over the neighborhood, we're mailmen now." Their snobby teen sister said, "Well, you're not real mailmen, real mailmen use real letters." Then one of the boys said, "Actually, we used real letters, we found a whole box of them under your bed."
Why does nobody know that an Octane is a Fennec in disguise?
They have the same hitbox.
What do you do when you see a spaceman?
Park in it, man!
I was watching Avengers and I thought I saw a grape, but it was just Thanos.