Aed jokes
What did the emo say to the popular kid?
"Go fuck yourself for thinking all emos cut because they don't... y'know, for a matter of fact, fuck all you guys..."
Little Johnny walked in on his mom in the shower and said, "What's that on your chest, Mom?" Mom said, "Those are my headlights." Johnny: "Oh. What's that in between your legs, Mom?" Mom: "Oh, that's my bush." Johnny: "Oh, OK." Next, he walked in on his dad in the shower. He said, "Dad, what's that in between your legs?" Dad: "Oh, that's my snake." Johnny: "Oh, OK." That night, little Johnny walks in on his parents going at it and said, "Mom, turn on his headlights, there's a snake going in your bush!"
Why don’t we just call blue balls a cummy ache?
Sike, I lied, your mom is a guy!
Am I considered a cannibal because I told my mom that Grandma's ashes were sugar?
How do you know if a snowman is a girl or a boy?
A: Snowballs.
Why can't an orphan be in a Scream movie?
It's always someone you know.
You know what a triangle has that women's rights don't? A point.
What is an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang.
If I were a judge and gave you a sentence, I would sentence you to life for your looks.
Hey Gwen! What is a bean's specialty? Being a jerk!
Yo mama sooooooo fucking fat, when she takes a step, she needs a 5-min break.
There are two kids sitting in a classroom: Lily and John. Lily sleeps in class every day.
The teacher asks Lily who made heaven and earth. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"
The teacher says, "That's right."
The teacher says the next day she asks the same question. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"
"That's right," the teacher says.
The next day she asks Lily what did Eve say to Adam after their 100th. John pokes her again. "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'mma break it in half!" she shouts.
Why did the ion always lose at Go Fish?
Because he was playing with a cheetah!
Why did a school shooter get banned from a game server?
He was caught aimbotting.
What do a circle and a sphere have in common?
They're round, and round is a shape.
What does this website with its comments and a cult have in common?
We have a case of Witzelsucht.
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
What does a school bus crash and a train crash have in common?
They always line up.
This is a 2 for 1 plane combo that will never exist.
But, it's like a plane pizza.
Nothing happens, but it terrorizes me.