Aed jokes
I ran into a kid today. Now I'm in jail and I lost my driver's license.
It's a tower.
No, it's a plane.
Me: Nope, it's 9/11.
Every time I tell a 911 joke, it bombs.
God = what I hope to be.
Devil = what I can't accept.
I hope to be like Jesus, a dead martyr. I can't accept that my religion is evil.
I pray to a dead human I hope to be reunited with.
Jesus, that's sick.
Where has God existed outside of a man's awareness of him?
The double slit experiment shows light particles are a wave that assemble in your presence. And you didn't even have to say a word!
One day my mom told me not to be an actor. I said, "But mommy, I will make a lot of money!"
What's the difference between a dog and a foster child?
A dog doesn't run to the police after you beat it.
How do women make you a millionaire?
When you're a billionaire.
What’s the difference between a mistake and an orphan?
At least the mistake was loved.
Why can't a homeless person be in "The Boys?"
Because he would have beef with Homelander.
I put a pipe bomb in an orphanage. 🤡🤡
A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." The man replies, "Boobs!"
Queen Elizabeth died a couple weeks ago. I'm still trying to find the reboot catd.
I didn't know that COVID-19 was a thing until I saw your eyebrows and your hairline social distancing.
A woman marries a man and has 7 children. The husband dies, and she marries another man. She has another 7 children, and later the husband dies. A year later she gets married again, and has another 7 children. She dies after a few months.
At the funeral, a man sees the priest looking at the heavens. He walks over and hears the man say, "They're finally together again." The man looks at the priest and says, "With her husband?" The priest looks at the man and says, "No, her legs."
What makes Squidward and a Quandale Dingle the same?
They both got them big parts.
Last night I shared a bed with two of my friends because we were in a small hotel. We had strange dreams last night.
My friend on the left dreamed of getting a handjob.
So did my friend on the right.
I had a dream of skiing.
I donated a computer to the orphanage...
It didn’t have a motherboard.