Aed jokes
I'm going to start taking confetti with me to therapy so when my therapist asks me, "How are you?" I can say "sad" and toss the confetti everywhere. It'll be like a real-life iMessage!
Me: I have depression.
Someone: You should get out more! Go outside!
Me: *goes to the beach* Now it's a tropical depression.
Me: "WYD?"
Her: "Just dealing with a lot: depression, anxiety, and the feeling that I'll never be enough."
Me: "Without me? Lol"
[concert] SINGER: How's everyone doin' tonight? CROWD: Woo! ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): It's actually been a tough few months.
All I wanna do is *gunshots* *gunshots* *gunshots* and *click* *cash register noise*, unlearn years of trauma and maintain healthy habits and fulfilling relationships while learning how to have solid boundaries and a whole sense of self.
Drinking coffee when you're anxious is about as effective as using gasoline to put out a fire, but slurp slurp guess who's an anxious bitch who never learns.
A TikTok I saw: "I'm in Canada, I'm in the United States!"
Most people: "I'm in South Korea, I'm in Nor- *boom*"
Me: "I'm in Palestine, I'm in Is... this heaven?"
*Insert me starting a war in the comments*
What does a disabled disco play?
"When your legs don’t work like they used to before."
What do you call an orphan that has a brother? The second one without one.
I ran into a kid today. Now I'm in jail and I lost my driver's license.
It's a tower.
No, it's a plane.
Me: Nope, it's 9/11.
Every time I tell a 911 joke, it bombs.
God = what I hope to be.
Devil = what I can't accept.
I hope to be like Jesus, a dead martyr. I can't accept that my religion is evil.
I pray to a dead human I hope to be reunited with.
Jesus, that's sick.
Where has God existed outside of a man's awareness of him?
The double slit experiment shows light particles are a wave that assemble in your presence. And you didn't even have to say a word!
One day my mom told me not to be an actor. I said, "But mommy, I will make a lot of money!"
What's the difference between a dog and a foster child?
A dog doesn't run to the police after you beat it.
How do women make you a millionaire?
When you're a billionaire.
What’s the difference between a mistake and an orphan?
At least the mistake was loved.