Aed jokes

Yo forehead so big, an airplane can use that as a runway!

When I die, I’ll die in a trash can.

What do Jesus and a painting have in common?

They hang by nails.

Why can't people in wheelchairs be gay? Cuz you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.

Your forehead is so big, it takes the sun a year to shine on every part of it.

Your forehead is so big, it's a $20 taxi ride from your hairline to your eyebrows.

I tried a lemonade from my friend. It tasted fantatastic!

I told my wife to embrace her mistakes.

So she gave me a hug.

It's really funny, read through everything slowly.

Say "I'm a man" after everything I say.

I went to the bar. "I'm a man." You saw this woman. "I'm a man." You guys married. "I'm a man." You guys bought a house. "I'm a man." You guys went to bed. "I'm a man," you said. "I'm a man," she said. "I'm a man."

Can never tell a funny 9/11 joke. They always collapse and burn.

I got sent to the principal's office today because I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and screamed, "HOT WHEELS!"

What's green and has a thousand nipples?

A garbage bag in the alley behind a breast cancer clinic.

The Christian, the Buddhist, and the Muslim each go on a separate plane.

The Christian's and the Buddhist's flight goes well, but the Muslim's plane has a problem and crashes into two towers.

So, a few hours ago my friend said I need to CUT it out with the s/h jokes... like... it's really not that deep?

This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.

So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."

Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."

Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"

Three guys are standing in an alley on an alien planet, and the psycho one says, "However many tits your girl has is how many balls you have!"

The first guy says, "Ha! My girlfriend has six! I'm racked up!" The second guy said, "Eh, I am happy with two balls." The third guy said, "Shit! My girlfriend is flat as fuck!"

A guy listening in enters and says, "Bro, you actually have girlfriends. I do not. Does that mean I have a pussy?"

You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.

Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.

But at least lemonade came out!

If you’ve got depression, then your life is a joke. Everyone laughs at both.

What did the poo say when it fell out of your bum?

"Your anus looks like my mum's bedsheet which is smelly and covered in poo."

I also just wanted to add that a Goonie's anus looks like my nan's mouth.

Damn, that joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.