Aed jokes
My friend said he saw a blind man. I said, "Did he LOOK nice?"
Me: *stabs vampire*
Wife: omg
Me: *beats vampire to death*
Wife: OMG
Me: What?
Wife: You're supposed to give them candy!
Me: Well, that's a sticky situation now, isn't it, Barbara?
Me running from the table where the Emo table with a happy meal.
Why does the retard not like eating his vegetables? Because he knows not to be a cannibal, he knows somehow.
What are a doctor's and a WWE fighter's ideas on child abuse?
Doctor's: Don't do it, it does not help. Mood behavior.
WWE fighters: If it can crawl, it can brawl.
You know, having an uncle is a good thing sometimes! I get a pair of shoes every week. He says it’s my reward for playing the tickle game with him in his damp and dark basement. It hurts sometimes. But hey, new shoes!
Me: How many letters are in the alphabet?
That one friend: 11 - T-H-E-- A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.
Why would a cannibal stop eating people?
If they got fed up with them.
What did they find in Jeffery Dahmer's apartment?
Jack in a box.
What do you do when a person with epilepsy gets seizures in the bathtub? Throw in some laundry.
Hi, my name is Uncle Joe, and I like kids in a way that makes their parents not trust me anymore.
Can emo kids get a happy birthday?
Yo mama so fat.
In Super Mario Galaxy, she was a fucking planet!
Guys, don’t suck your own dick, it does not feel like your dick is being sucked, it feels like you're sucking a dick.
Mom: I'm getting you a dog!
Me: OMG REALLY?!
Mom: Yeah, what gender do you want?
Me:...
Me: Bitch, please.
Yo mom's so fat, I went over to her house a few years ago and wanted to watch TV.
So I asked for the TV remote, and she's still trying to get it!
What do you call a bunch of retarded preschoolers? Tater tots.
If you are depressed, eat Panera Bread. It is so yummy yum yyum yum yum yum.
Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Prospero Ano y Felicidad.
Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Prospero Ano y Felicidad.
I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas From the bottom of my heart.
I wanted to open a brothel in the monastery, but the slogan: "Fist some Christs" was, unfortunately, not so well received.
It’s a bird.
It’s a plane.
Oh, shit it is a plane!