Aed jokes
When is a car not a car? When it turns into a driveway. 🥁
My friend told me he had a sister. I asked if she was hot, and he said she was 8. That wasn't my question.
Why has Stephen Hawking stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector.
A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him:
Wife: "Why is your face all bloody?"
Husband: "I was so drunk that I couldn't stand up, so I kept falling on my face!"
Wife: "Idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!"
A pedophile is chatting on the internet: "On a scale of one to ten, how old are you?"
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect 4 in only three moves.
I don't always roll a joint, but when I do, it's my ankle.
How do you cut ancient Rome in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
What is a cannibal's favorite restaurant?
Five Guys.
What do you call an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
What's the best part of having sex on a golf course?
The hole experience.
Why does Trump always ensure he has a second pair of pants with him every weekend?
In case he gets a hole in one.
What do you call a guy whose hand is up a horse's butt?
An Amish Mechanic.
There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.
One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."
The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."
The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"
Why is Santa's sack so big?
He only comes once a year.
Trump is going too far.
He deported a printer because it didn't have papers.
What's better than roses on a piano?
Tulips on an organ.
What do you call a Russian tree?
Dimitree.
What do you call a black man flying a plane?
A pilot, you racist bastard!
What's the difference between light and hard?
It's easy to get to sleep with a light on.