Aed jokes
Whenever I see a dog video, I just take a second to press paws.
Q: Why did the teacher die?
A: Because he hated his life.
What do you do when life gives you lemons? Slit your wrist and give a lemon a twist. 🙂💊💉
All you need is a razor blade in life.
What is the difference between a Rubik’s cube and a penis? I don’t know, but they both get harder the more you play with them.
What do you call a person with Down syndrome who graduated high school?
Impossible!
What happened to the man who made too many bad jokes? He served out a cruel and unusual PUNishment.
A friend was doing bird puns on me. Then I realized that toucan play at that game.
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off.
How do you make a dead baby float?
1 cup rootbeer 2 scoops dead baby.
A little boy went to church. The priest said, "Get in the following positions: stand, then kneel, then bow." The little boy replies, "Can you hurry up and f**k me already?"
Why can North Korea draw a straight line? Because they've got a supreme ruler.
What will Donald Trump build in our devices?
A firewall.
Why can't two Chinese people have a white baby? Because "two wongs don't make a white."
I rolled over a log and underneath was a tiny little stick, and I was like, "That log had a child!"
What's the definition of total chaos?
A bus load of retards passing a magnet factory.
So I was making slime, so I put glue, and a lil' pump of lotion and slime activator. Ahah, lil pump, get it?
What is a failed abortion? Annabelle.
What do you call a pizza?
Anthony Cahill's face!
I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note... it's a start...