Aed jokes
A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question can go home."
A boy throws his bag out the window.
The teacher asks, "Who just threw that?"
The boy says, "Me! I'm going home now."
Why do mountains go to sleep a lot?
Because they are high.
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day.
Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty!" shouts Molly.
"Correct," says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack's pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty!" she shouts.
"Correct again," says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I'm going to crack it in half!"
Guy spills milk on me. I say, "It's okay, we all make mistakes sometimes, but apparently your mom made a big one."
Knock, knock. "Who's there?" "A bad joke."
Where did the eye doctor keep all his kittens? On Cat-A-Racks!
What do you call a sociopath who damages a box of Wheaties? A cereal criminal!
What happened when the gun dealer found his pistol in his shoe?
He found that he had a piece in his sole!
What do you call a retard in a house fire?
Flame Retardant.
I'm listening to a song about fish--it's very catchy.
I was coming out of airport and a rober kept his gun on my head I requested him please don't kill me as I have my old mom and dad at my home . Kill Them.
Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
It didn't; it got stuck in a crack.
A drunk walks into a bar and says, "All lawyers are assholes!" A guy at the other end of the bar says, "I resent that!" The drunk says, "Why, are you a lawyer?" and the other guy says, "No, I'm an asshole!"
Have you heard about the animal that was made of a human hand?
It's an ARMadillo.
Q: What has two wings and a halo?
A: An Asian phone call, "Wing, Wing, Halo?"
What do you call a couple Mexicans getting stoned in a bush? Buches baked breans.
Me and my cousin went to a restaurant yesterday.
I ordered my chicken fried, he ordered his chicken alive.
What is a penguin without a pen? A guin...
A swan, a goose, and a penguin walked into a bar... I ducked.
Why's missy Shaw such a slug? Because she's obese. Hahahahahaha!