Aed jokes

Guys, I guess with all these storms there was a power cut in his house.

What does a clock do when he's still hungry?

He goes back "four" seconds!

Smaller babies may be delivered by a stork, but bigger ones need a crane.

What do you call a mouse that doesn't like being known about?

Anonymouse.

I have a friend who has no arms, her name is Suzy. I always tell her this one knock knock joke, "Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" Not Suzy.

How do you get a fat girl to bed? Piece of cake.

He had a song named after him: "They see me rolling."

What's the difference between a chicken and a dog?

I don't know... I'm from China.

Why are blind people so good at being a Jedi?

They are always swinging a stick.

I am up in the air about becoming a pilot.

I met a rock the other day. He was a very gneiss guy.

What do you call a disabled Asian?

Sum Ting Wong.

One time, I bought a magnet. My wife asked why I bought it. I said I couldn't help myself; I felt attracted to it.

Derrick and Clive. They have a song about a Dad with cancer and other extremely offensive subjects in a routine called "The Non-Stop Dancer." It is very funny, but it is made even funnier by Dudley Moore's drunken and stoned laughter through the song.

One of the best routines ever. Look it up on YouTube. They recorded them in the studio, but they are ad-libbing and extremely drunk.

Someone goes into a bar and asks for a blow job. The barman goes, "Me too." But then the guy goes, "I meant the drink."

When Stephen Hawking was feeling hungry, he used to call in to his local PC World for a megabyte and some microchips.

What's a skeleton's favorite plant? A bone-zai tree. But if they don't like that one, how about a s-pine tree?

A guy walks into the house carrying a sheep and says out loud, "This is the pig I screw when you're on the rag."

His wife replies, "That's not a pig, it's a sheep."

He says, "I was talking to the sheep."

A new burger has been invented in memory of Stephen Hawking.

I doubt it will sell though, as it's 95% cabbage.

What's black and at the top of a staircase?

Not Stephen Hawking.