Aed jokes
Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face.
For instance, when you push them down the stairs.
I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it would probably go up in flames.
What do you call a Trump Supporter?
A piece of $hit!
What's the difference between a CEO and licorice?
The licorice is black.
I took my sister and cousin to a sleepover with lil Diddy, who my dad's friend has connections with.
I think the experience went fine, but they were traumatized. We got what we wanted.
What do us emos all have in common?
Depression. Anxiety. The sole desire to just start saying you wanna kys right out of the blue a lot and saying "I CAN'T WAIT TO JUMP OF THAT BUILDING SOON!" and other people say, "Idgaf, do it, all of us would be happy."
Your ma is so slow, it took her 9 months to make a joke.
If you leave your small children inside a shower with Kelly Clarkson, you're a filthy parent.
Kelly Clarkson wants to be Rosie O'Donnell so badly. Too bad Kelly is the "Queen of Incest" and not the "Queen of Nice".
(And Kelly came from a sundown town in the Deep South, and not from Long Island.)
My friend called me fat, so I challenged him to a running race.
Nah, North Korea got inspired by the fatman nuke that he also became a fatman with nukes.
why are people in japan so slim? because the last time a fatman came, they lost half their population.
Why does Japan not allow little boys to run?
Because the last time a little boy came, Japan lost a state.
Who is not hungry in Africa?
A dead person.
What does broccoli and sex have in common?
If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’re gonna hate it as an adult.
How does a rapper fix stuff?
With a RAP-AIR!
What do you call a rapper who LOVES winter sports?
Ice Cube.
Me: What has two legs and bleeds?
Friend: Um, women? Obviously?
Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.
One day, little Johnny woke up to get a drink of water. He passed by his parents' bedroom and noticed sheets bouncing. He asked his dad what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." Little Johnny said, "Who is your partner?" Dad said, "Your mom." On his way up, he passed by his sister's room and noticed sheets bouncing around and asked what she’s doing. She said, "Playing cards with my boyfriend, Paul." The next day, Dad came to ask Johnny a question. The father noticed Johnny was still in bed and asked him what he was doing. He saw the sheet bouncing and asked Johnny what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." His dad asked him who his partner was. Little Johnny said, "You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand."
Scientists say a banana a day is great for the colon.
But you gotta eat it!