Aed jokes
Why are people in Japan so thin?
Because it didn't end well the last time a Fat Man was there.
This is not a joke, but if your uncle tells you, "Bend over, touch your toes, I'll show you where the monster goes," don't do it, hehehehehe.
What's the difference between a cop and bacon?
Bacon is full of fat and makes you feel good. A cop is full of shit and will make you feel their hot steamy cock as they ram it up your ass with some justice sprinkled on top.
Why do black people only have nightmares? Because the last one who had a dream was shot.
Google is a woman because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before it makes suggestions.
Why are Republicans supporting giving felons the right to vote?
Because their own personal jeebus is a felon!
Why is Donald Trump so desperate to break into the White House?
Most landlords cannot lease their properties to him due to the fact that he is a felon.
What’s a vegetable’s favorite dance?
The cabbage patch.
What do gay men and drug dealers have in common?
They both get a lot of crack.
What do you call a paraplegic stuck in a tower?
In trouble!
What is the difference between a dog pound and an orphanage?
In a dog pound, people actually want them.
Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?
Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!
Ms. Smith: Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze, and I would stay like that.
Little Johnny: Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.
What's a pedo's favorite snack?
Sour Patch Kids.
I went fishing with my grandpa, and my fishing line caught the attention of a school of fish. I told him to get my gun.
A black man said, "Where are the young ones?"
A guy on a bus saw a beautiful girl. He asked for her number, and of course, she said no. He asked the bus driver for advice, and he said, "That girl goes to the cemetery to pray every day at 10 p.m. and look for a statue of an angel." So he dresses up as God, goes to the grave, and she sees him. She says, "Oh, Lord, end my misery! Kill me now!" And he said, "Only if you do something for me first." She replied, "What is it, oh mighty Lord?" He said, "Have sex with me." She agreed. They had sex, and when she was done sucking his dick, he said, "I have something to tell you." He took off his costume and said, "I'm the guy from the bus." And she took off her costume: "I'm the bus driver."
(Does anyone remember this? It's an old joke someone made, or does no one remember this? I didn't make this, but it went smth like this)
My best friend is transgender; she transitioned from a man into a woman. I think it's courageous of her to take a pay cut like that.
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? A roamin' Catholic.
Imagine saying "my bad" instead of "sorry for your loss" at a funeral.
What do Viagra and Disneyland have in common?
They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.