Aed jokes
Teacher: Don’t run into the road!
Down syndrome: Weeeeee!
Teacher: Lol, now he’s a mashed potato.
Watched a really cool cartoon about rabbits with Down syndrome yesterday. You should try watching it on catch up... "Watership Down."
What is an astronaut's favorite part of a keyboard?
The SPACE BAR!
Stephen Hawking must have got a MacBook Pro. End of battery.
There are 5 cows in a field. One of them is the mom, the rest are kids. One of the kids walked up to the mom and asked, "Why am I named Daisy?" and then a daisy fell on her head.
The second cow came up to the mom and asked, "Why am I named Rose?" and then a rose fell on her head. Then the 3rd cow said, "Why am I named Violet?" then a violet fell on her head. Then the 4th cow walked up and said, "Merrrbere." Then the mom said, "Shutup, cinder block!"
What's tall, has a twin, and is in Manhattan?
Nothing, Bin Laden destroyed them all.
Will: Let's bring Hannibal a gift today!
Beverly: Yeah, I bet he’d love that!
Will: Yey!
Beverly: What should we bring him?
Will: *holds up a bucket and knife with an insane looking smile* Come in the bucket!
Did you hear about the monkeys that share an Amazon account? They were prime mates.
Why do women like Pac-Man so much?
How else can you get eaten three times for a quarter?
A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.
Apparently, "in HD" wasn't a good answer.
My father left me at a young age.
He was only five.
If you put an amputee with no limbs in a snuggie, it becomes a stubbie.
I saw a bear eating a duck.
It was unBEARable.
what do you call a baby in an oven?
my next meal.
H: *walks into bedroom* Why are you packing your bags?
W: I heard in New York women get paid $400 for what I do for you for free.
*Later that day*
W: *walks into the bedroom to see husband packing his bags* What are you doing?
H: I’m going with you. I want to see how you live off of $800 a year.
What is a cow's favorite class in school?
Moosic.
What do you call a wet condom?
A wet condom.
Girl: "How do you feel about abortion?"
Dad: "Ask your sister."
Girl: "I don't have a..."
Both man and woman have balls, but they like to play with the ball of each other because a person always loves what they don't have. 😁
I wanted to see if she was anorexic, so I threw a Funyun at her to see if she'd use it as a hula hoop or inhale it.