Aed jokes
What does a tuna, piano, and a tub of glue have in common?
You can tune a piano, but you can't piano a tuna.
But what about the glue? said Bob I. I knew you would get stuck on that!
A pregnant woman enters the hospital with her concerned husband. As she goes into labor, a group of doctors asked him if he would like to try a device that transfers your spouse's pain to the father's nervous system.
He agrees and the doctors turn the dial on the device to 10%. Strangely, the man felt little pain. They continued to adjust the dial until it stopped at 100%, yet the man felt nothing. Later on, the wife had delivered the baby and the pair left the hospital with a healthy baby only to find the milkman laying on their stairs with a puddle of blood around his head, shaking uncontrollably.
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is a refreshing summertime snack; the other one is a watermelon.
When your friend gets involved with someone, it affects the friendship. Whenever a friend of mine has a new girlfriend, we should say I looked like the person you used to know, but I've been modified to survive in this relationship. If we have an argument and she's there, I might disagree with you; I'd rather continue to see her naked.
How do clarinet players play a song?
They reed their music.
What is a threesome with 3 guys?
Gay sex and a witness.
Why are there gates on a graveyard?
Because people are dying to get inside. Lol
What happens when a computer thinks it knows better than a human?
Ask Boeing.
You are American when you walk to the bathroom. What are you when you are in there?
You're-a-peein'. European.
I'd make a farming joke, but I'm just a little less than corny enough.
What’s a cow with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
Why did the bodybuilder go to the crustacean church?
Because it was a good source of mussel mass!
My wife wanted a present that could go from zero to 80 very quickly.
So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.
Ever heard of a rape victim with Alzheimers? Yeah, neither have they.
What do you call a knight that has one arm? A first battle night.
What do you call a knight that lost both arms? A two battle useless knight.
Did you hear about the shark that ate a key shop?
I think it got lockjaw after that.
How does a lady with stage 3 cancer introduce herself?
"Hey y'all, I'm Diane."
Watching "50 Shades of Grey" was more painful than my uncle fisting me as a kid.
What do you call a cross between a computer and a vampire bat?
Love at first byte! <3