Aed jokes
It was the year 1912. I was in the SS Titanic, and I woke from a dream to think, "I've heard of wet dreams, but is that WATER?"
How does an apple fall from a tree?
I don't know, ask Sir Isaac Newton!
Place a man in a morgue, he'll try to leave.
Place a doctor in a morgue, he'll go to work.
Place a necrophiliac in a morgue, he'll stay happy for a week.
What does an apple and a gay person have in common?
Both fruits hang in trees out in the Middle East.
Orphan: Shooting gun at shooting range, "I'm out of bullets, got a magazine?"
Guy: That's probably because you're single.
So I was walking in a store, and a carrot and a lettuce said, "Lettuce leaf!" to me.
What do you call frozen web?
A web-cicle.
Free will is like having a vagina. You don't need to know how to use it, and you don't need to know what it does, but what matters is that you have it.
What do you call a passport for Mandalorians?
A Pre Visa!
What do you call a bar run by Gungans?
Jar Jar Drinks.
What do you call a flying octopus?
An octocopter! 🚁
Why was the Ethiopian baby crying?
It was having a mid-life crisis.
You walk into a McDonald's and you ask for some extra mayo, and they put too much on there.
I say I didn't order a "McCumshot."
A boy went to a costume party with a girl on his back. Someone asked him what he was supposed to be. He answered, "A turtle."
"Then why do you have a girl on your back?" the guy asked again.
The boy answered, "It's Michelle."
Why did the ox get kicked out of the herd?
Because it wasn't being an ox, it was being a butt-ox...!
There are two cows in a field. One says to the other, "I'm cold. Are you cold?"
The other cow says, "Yeah, I'm Fresian."
I searched on Google, "How to start a wildfire?"
I got 39,300,000 matches.
I made someone a PB and J sandwich... they died.
"Dick, you're fired."
"I'd buy that for a dollar."
What did the stop sign say to the street sign when he couldn't read a map?
"Can you give me some pointers?"