Aed jokes
A man gets arrested after writing "MORBID JOKES COMING OUT THIS TIME NEXT YEAR!" and "I'm gay!"
Why did the boy kill his girlfriend?
Because he had a crush on her.
What part of a vegetable can't you eat?
The wheelchair.
Q. What is the biggest lie in the entire universe?
A. “I have read and agree to the Terms & Conditions.”
I am a sheep.
How do you plan a party in space? You have to planet.
My brother and I were roughhousing and accidentally knocked over our bookshelf. My mom came in and started asking who knocked it over, to which I replied that I only had my shelf to blame.
Hey, can I axe you a question?
My brother likes to build "traps" to capture our cat so he can pet it. I said it wasn't gonna catch anyone, he replied with "not going to stop who?" I told him not to worry that it could capture any two.
What's the difference between a boy and girl? A boy always carries an average 5in "do not enter" sign.
Q: Why can’t Stephen Hawking go to the countryside?
A: There’s no signal.
According to all known laws of aviation,
there is no way a bee should be able to fly.
Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.
The bee, of course, flies anyway
because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.
Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little.
Barry! Breakfast is ready!
Coming!
Hang on a second.
Hello?
- Barry? - Adam?
- Can you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up.
Looking sharp.
Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those.
Sorry. I'm excited.
Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son.
A perfect report card, all B's.
Very proud.
Ma! I got a thing going here.
- You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me!
- Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye!
Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house!
I was at a milk store and ordered some milk.
They brought it over but spilled it on me.
I said that was a udder failure!
Q: What do you get when you cross a cow and a smurf?
A: Blue cheese.
Your dad must be a mailman.
Mozart doesn't care if Bach is better than him; at least he puts a lot of emotion [into his music and] he makes people happy.
Every single person on the plane died except for 2. How is that possible?
It said all the single people died; the 2 were a couple. That's how it was possible.
What is the similarity between an anti-joke and a clown? Neither are funny.
A police officer pulls a man over. "Hands in the air!"
The man said, "Okay."
Fact: If you jump off a 12-story building, you will not like the result.
Why is a deck of cards similar to a miniature pony?
They are both jokers.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a horse?
An animal abuse warrant.