Aed jokes
Guys, my sister's pregnant!
I'm finally a dad!
What do you call five black people having sex? A threesome.
If you ever get mad at a person that crumpled their leg, don't forget that they can hide, but they can't run.
What's the difference between a computer and a crumpled person? A computer runs.
Why was the dog so stressed out?
It had a ruff day.
Even a psychopath is sympathetic when an onion self-harms!
Q: How do you make a fire?
A: Oil and dead babies.
How many time does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?
I don’t know, I can’t count while masturbating.
Why do you never play a game of cards in the jungle? Because there are cheetahs!
If a kid refused to go to bed, does that make them guilty of resisting a rest?
What do you call a mountain of kittens?
A meowtain.
Are you a mirror, because I see myself in you?
I asked my friend if they wanted to hear a joke about sodium, and they said, "Na."
A cop pulled me over and shouted, "Papers!" I shouted, "Scissors!" and drove off.
What is a redneck's favorite color?
Blue.
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed.
One fell off and bumped his head.
The momma called the doctor and the doctor said,
"Why the heck were my children jumping on a bed?"
Son: Mom, is it possible to make a strawberry cake for me?
Mom: No, that's impossible.
Son: But it is possible for your secret boyfriend, right?
Mom: No, no, please don't tell your dad. I will make a strawberry cake for you.
Son: Daddy has already tasted your sweet strawberry cake, so because of that, I felt jealous ^_^
Albert is a homophobic guy. His cousin Franco is also a homophobic guy.
Albert's aunt and cousin have visited his parents, but Albert didn't know that because he came late at night. Franco was sleeping in Albert's bed, thinking he would not come home. Albert laid on his bed, thinking there was no one on it, and then they started fucking ^_*
No phobia lasts forever 👌😂
I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me.
She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand.
Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys. I asked and she said that’s my fam as well. I noticed an Alabama driver's license. I asked which one was her dad. She said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter. I casually asked what he did for work. Self-employed? She said that’s the last time I use ancestry.com!
It was not a hijack, it was Stephen Hawking.