Aed jokes
Son: Hey Dad, can I play Fortnite?
Dad: I don't know, do you want a girlfriend?
I’d make a joke to Fetty Wap on this, but there’s only a 50/50 chance he’ll SEE this.
How do you drown a Blonde? You put a scratch and sniff sticker in a pool.
What do you call a flying sheep?
A muttonbird.
What's the point of hiding the screaming speed bump you ran over? You might as well hit it again to A: Stop the screaming. B: Make it look like an actual speed bump. And C... You think it's hilarious the noise it makes when you ran over its stomach.
Jack and Jill went up the hill for drunkin' wild sex.
Jack went by Jill to get a lick, and watched Jill get off on a stick.
Jack and Jill went up the hill 'cause Jack took a Viagra.
Jill was drunk, fell to her knee, Jack had his chance, did Jill till 3.
Jack and Jill went up the hill. They turned to drunks and have no will. Jill said to Jack, "Your love reveal, then think of building me a still."
I was at my drumming lesson and I accidentally dropped my drum stick when my sister made a terrible joke.
KA-DOOM-CHA!
Two kids are out in the cold, with downpours of snow erupting from the clouds.
One of the kids says something: "Can we build a snowman that is going through puberty?"
The other kid says something else: "Yes. It sounds cool."
After a while, the snowman was finished, and some words jut out of the first kid's mouth: "Wow! Look at that snowman! It's got hair all over, but I think it's missing something though."
The other kid jumps a little and begins speaking: "Oh, I know what it is!"
After a while, a body part made of a carrot and two cucumbers appears on the snowman's crotch. It is a penis and a ballsack.
The first kid speaks: "Icy what you did there."
The other kid replies: "Good thing I didn't slip up there."
The first kid replies: "Well, that's snow problem."
The other kid then uttered this: "These puns would make the most frigid individual crack up."
The first kid then says: "I know, right?"
They then begin a snowball fight.
The other kid then says: "Only the men have snowballs!"
My future is so bright, I need a flashlight to see where I'm going.
A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.
Q: Knock, knock? Who’s there? A: Boo. A: Boo who? Boo who? Don't cry, it's just a joke!
Scientist time travels into the year 2024.
Scientist: So, what happened with the storming of Area 51?
Pedestrian: Oh, you mean The 51 Massacre?
A man is walking on a bridge and sees a lady over the railing.
Man: "Ah, suicidal eh? Are you gonna jump?" Lady: "Yep. I hate this world." Man: "Well, if you're gonna die, can we have sex before you jump?" Lady: "Hell no! You creep!" Man: "Ok, fine. I guess I'll just wait until your corpse washes onto the shore."
I told the doctor I didn’t want a brain surgery. But he changed my mind.
How does he go for a poo? He logs out.
My arse hole hurts like no joke, man. I just had to tell that your heads a peanut, you fucking nonce, kid, you fat fuck sack, your mum you dirty cow!
Oh Sans, you're such a bonehead! Sorry if that joke was jaw-breaking! LOL.
Q. There were two sisters. One was having twins and asked her sister to help name the children. If one was named Deniece, what was the other named?
A. Denephew.