Aed jokes
Boy, your momma so ugly she’s denied from the homeless parties in the dumpster.
Quiet kid, your momma so funny she made a joke pop out her a*s.
I figured out why everyone is buying toilet paper. Because a huge rock is headed towards Earth, and paper covers rock.
How do you fit a whale inside a car? A blender.
Woman: What’s a good comeback for my sexist husband when he tells me to go make him a sandwich?
Husband: I know! How about you COMEBACK with a goddamn sandwich?
When you end up pregnant...
Mom told me if a boy touched my breast I should say "DON'T," and if he touched me down there I should say "STOP." But Dad, he touched me both places at once so I said, "DON'T STOP! DON'T STOP!" 😂
Why do dwarfs laugh when they run a race? Because the grass tickles their balls.
What do you call a hippopotamus that stands out from the crowd?
A hipster!
Why can't an orphan make a YouTube channel?
'Cause they can't make it family friendly.
Once there were twins, Mark and Michael. Mark was the owner of an old boat. It so happened that Michael's wife died the same day that Mark's boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Mark and mistook him for Michael. She said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible." Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, "Heck no. In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle!" The old lady fainted.
What's strong enough for a man but made for a woman?
The back of my hand.
What’s the difference between a Hispanic and a stoner?
A stoner has papers.
Why did the octopus cross the road?
'Cause he was on the same side as a sushi restaurant.
Gf: "You are a drug."
Bf: "Why, cause you are addicted to me?"
Gf: "No, because you are number one most wanted in Montana."
What is a bald eagle's favorite dog breed?
A beagle!
What is a bald eagle's favorite chip?
Preagles!
I went to the bank to apply for a Personal Loan.
Then they found out I wanted to be a rapper, so they didn't want to Post M"loan."
What do squirrels and men have in common?
They always want a nut.
What do you call a person with a hole in their shoe?
A Christian.
Why did the monster 🧟♀️ put the cook in a bowl?
He wanted a chef salad. 🥗😂
Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense. Baby, we didn’t spend all that time in the closet for nothing.