Aed jokes

Why do a pedophile love Halloween?

Free delivery.

To become a licensed airline pilot requires 1,500 hours (two years) of training. But it only takes 10 seconds to steal the pilot’s jacket and hat.

I'm not a chef, but boy, are these days getting harder and harder to get through.

What games do monks play a lot?

Among Us.

In History class, the teacher taught a lesson about serial killer Albert Fish. Back in the early 20th century, Fish reportedly kidnapped, ate, and raped over 100 kids. He mainly chose victims who were either retarded or black. Further on the lesson, the teacher explained how in those days, black people were socially not equal with white people, and how people with mental illness were not accepted and treated properly due to a lack of knowledge of mental health.

One of the students raised their hand and said, “You ought to be arrested.” The teacher confusedly asked, “Why?” The student explained, “Because you’re thinking like Albert Fish.”

Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams "bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied "aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is "dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he know, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling "fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!!" Oh.

Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."

Why isn't there a ball pit at Taco Bell? Because it's hard to have fun knowing you might poop your pants.

What is a meatball without spaghetti? A cow.

How do you circumcise a redneck?

Kick his sister in the chin.

Someone is talking about you behind your back, make a run vhaleka.

Amanda Bynes is a lush blond who has quickly become a blond lush.

Danny Devito looks like one of those men with a short, yet thick penis.

A good dog name is Syndrome. That way when it tries attacking, you can yell, "Down, Syndrome!"

Who remembers when ‘tweeting’ meant “stabbing a hooker”?

A 28-year-old medical student is auctioning off her virginity online.

For $300K, you can have the worst sex of your life.

At 6, she wanted a happy mama.

At 8, she hated acting like a mom.

At 10, she wanted to see her own smile again.

At 11, she wanted to see her mom.

How are a bald eagle and a bald man similar?

Because they both have eyes.

When you’re trying to attract a partner, it’s important to project the qualities you desire. Shit, have I had to suck a lot of cock lately!?

I used to have a skeleton of jokes, now my supply is bone dry. Guess I wasn’t that femurous.

What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit?

A DEPPression.

(If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke).