Aed jokes
My dad drove past a graveyard. He said, "I won't be buried there." I asked why.
He said, "Because I am not dead yet!"
If someone with a lisp dropped a hammer on their foot, would they be Thor?
I watched the series of "Unfortunate Events" 4 times, all the shows 4 times. I am crying. I am trying to finish the rest, then my brother comes in and says it is PG (Parental Guidance). After that, my brother called me a baby, then he pushed me off my bed. 😭
You will never have a girlfriend.
One day, he started crying out of nowhere. Everyone started crying with him.
There was a crying pandemic going around.
Helen Keller picked up a cheese grater, it was the most violent story she'd ever read.
You know, being a bitch is hard... but I found the person who's up for the challenge... you.
My girlfriend broke up with me this morning, and we just started dating yesterday.
Now she's having a breakfast.
Whoever took my dildo,
I hope you're having a good time.
Why is the eagle a bird with many skills? Because it’s talon-ted!
"Hump a vow, it makes a cow."
Why is there A/C in hospitals?
So the vegetables stay nice and fresh.
A teacher asked his students a math question.
"You have one dollar. Your parents give you five dollars. How much money do you have?"
After some thinking, about half the class raised their hands. The teacher called on a little girl in the front.
"One dollar!" she said.
When you want to see and smell your ex for the last time, look at a ugly dog, and smell the garbage.
What's a cannibal's favorite place?
A day care.
What do my clothes and a depressed person not have in common?
My clothes don't hang themselves...
A block of gold walked into a bar. The bartender said, “AU, get out!”
I saw a beautiful homeless girl and asked if I could take her out on a date. She politely accepted and enjoyed herself. Soon after, I asked if I could take her home, she smiled and nodded her head. Her smile disappeared when she saw me running away with her cardboard box.
God- make a grumpy old man president.
Angel- why?
G- cause I said so-name him Trump.
A- okay.
G- make him not pay taxes.
A- okay...
Fast forward to 2020
G- you know that grumpy old man?
A- yea...
G- make him create a deadly virus named after a beer.
A- Krona.
G- exactly.
A- why do you hate humans so much?
G- because I can.
Why aren't orphans good at Monopoly?
They don't know what a house is.